of birthdays {and not boo-boo foots} part 1 1/2

So, Hilary insisted on..

Ori..


having cake on his birthday.


{Fail cake btw, and no, I don't want to talk about it.}


...


...


Ori..


does ...


NOT..


like cake.

of birthdays and boo-boo foots {part 1, maybe}

So today..
Marks my fourth year with H,
is the season finale of Dexter
{which I'll be watching tomorrow so shush, please.}
&
my little squish turns 1,
which means:
a year ago today at this moment I was screaming, loudly, in my bathtub,
we made it a whole year without killing each other,
I am 1 year or less away from being diaper free,
we have officially entered the extended breast feeding zone,
&
it's time to start really pushing the solid foods.

Ori is weird about food and honestly I don't think he would eat birthday cake, (and I know he's not down with ice cream. weirdo.) so instead of the usual brouhaha I think I'm going to do birthday cookies, Popsicles, and homemade mac&cheese {because he is all about cheese and noodles}.
Pictures may come later.

Poor squishes boo-boo foot still has it's intrusive roommate. Apparently my referral from the hospital wasn't good enough. Jerkfaces. So, because of my insurance, he has to get the referral from his primary care provider, who we have never seen. So, I had to make an appointment... which wouldn't be until Tuesday - which is ridiculous. Luckily we can go in Monday as walk-ins at 7:45 and wait. Then he has an appointment w/ the pediatric orthopedic guy at 10:30.. so hopefully everything works out, and Ori's intrusive passenger will not be with us for much longer.

Prayers are appreciated! The thought of having my little man anesthetizes freaks me out. :( Also my Aunt Linda is in need of prayers she's in the hospital w/ pneumonia and congestive Heart failure. Thanks!

And for now..
I have to juggle some schoolwork, shopping, cookie and mac&cheese baking..

Oh my poor little Squish-to-the-Mush...

My poor Squish is damaged.
Not in the psychological, he's going to grow up to be Dexter sort of way.
But in the temporarily, moderately, handicapable way.
Apparently all those glasses he threw to their death decided to get him back at him from the grave...
Or something.
I could have sworn that I got it all up.
*sighs*
I'm sure that at this point I really don't need to elaborate,
He stepped on a piece of glass yesterday.

And that piece of glass must have been been channeling Tigger.
You see, this tiny piece of glass managed to spring an inch into his foot.
An inch.
A baby foot.
WTF.
So, this villainous piece of glass is only centimeters away from being in between his heel bone and one of his tarsals.
Sweet.
So Children's Hospital feels that it would be best for him to see an Orthopedic surgeon.
Someone that is more familiar with "foreign bodies".
Because them searching around "blind" would be "traumatizing".
And that I could make an appointment for a time when I wouldn't have to bring the "other children"
Bitch.
*heh*
So he has to be anesthetized. Which really creeps me out.
Hopefully they can get him in tomorrow so he doesn't have to limp on his Bday.
My boy is fierce.
*lol*
He sure gave those x-ray people a fight.
The said they never had "one so hard".
:) he is super strong.
So I gave him Popsicles.


Okay, I probably would have given him the Popsicle even if he hadn't managed to fight off a six foot a million burly x-ray guy... but it was pretty impressive.

Wordless Wednesday: Pillow Talk

She He get it from her his momma Daddy

No there will be no talk of eyes, thighs, or all those other things that are inappropriate for young viewers. I've just been finding myself amused with all the "interesting" things that daddy's seem to pass on to their boys.
Things like:


Nose picking,


Toe nail chewing,


and running around in the nude.

Perhaps while I'm chasing H around with a rolling pin gently asking H not to encourage the boys to eat the boogers, I should remember the things they are getting from their daddy that make my heart smile.


Yep.
My little men spend half their day being gross boys and wrestling and the other half burping babies and pushing them around in strollers. They aspire to be attentive, loving parents.
They get it from their daddy :) and maybe having a big sister helps.. just a little.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me Monday! The tell all, mommy confessional orchestrated by the spectacular Mckmama so that we, the mother's of the world could shout to the heavens our perfection and educate the world on just how easy, and stress-less motherhood really is, or not.


Just to be clear, I did not just wake up... that would be terrible! Could you imagine the kinds of things a mother would wake up to? It would be simply inexcusable! Yes, inexcusable, even if said mommy was up all night tending to a much too sick baby who seemed to think it was cool to morph into the worlds cutest space heater. Unforgivable, even if she finally got the baby to sleep soundly - just in time to wake up to take her oldest to the bus stop. A smart mommy would know better, and would never go back to sleep after such a long night of not sleeping... she would drink pot after pot of coffee, and sacrifice sleep to tend to her dear children. Because I am so not that mommy I did not wake up to Ori chewing on a medicine dropper. I absolutely did not demand: "Teijah, where is baby's medicine?". He did not grin and say, "I drink it!" because he's a dear sweet angel and has never been known to down infants Tylenol, Motrin, or Mylicon if they were left out where he could reach {or climb} to get them. And if he was, I certainly would not have left the Tylenol on an end table, where he could easily scavenge it. Even if I was exhausted and stressed out, I would have remembered to put it back in it's hiding place.
Because I am the epitome of a vigilant mommy, there is not currently a racing stripe on my dinner table. If there was it would definitely not be painted on with Burt's Bee's butt creme, and Handy Manny and his motorcycle would not be using it as a road as we speak. That would be ridiculous, any normal mommy would have cleaned that mess up right away.
Of course, Ori is not still in his night time diaper and woolens... and I did not just get vomited on so taking a shower with the little guy... is not imperative.. right. now.

Want to get in on the Not Me! Monday fun? Well head on over to MckMama's blog for complete instructions {cute button} and to see what she and everyone else is not doing.

We interupt our regularly scheduled program...

because I did my Sunday Outtakes post on Friday,
because I just had to share,
because I was bursting.

So instead I give you:

The Day the Zoloft Failed: pictures and commentary



Ori stole a piece of pizza off a tray when I wasn't looking. It was very cute, and so is his new pointing thing.


It took 15 minutes to convince Teijah to sit with the other children to have pizza and cake. He wanted to play instead. the last 7 of those 15 minutes were spent with me going to get him and then holding him in my lap until he got over it. No he didn't get a haircut, and yes, it was during this rucus that Ori stole the pizza.


Rowan E. hung out with A., her bestie from school. Yes, I realize the boys are in dire need of a spray tan... I don't know why they are so white.


Teijah "drove" a monster truck. After a few minutes he started to cry, despite his love of monster trucks. Apparently he's not a fan of hydrolics.

I lost each of the children at least 5 times, and regretted not bringing the stroller and losing my "free refills" cup. Oh yeah, and going, and bringing all the children.


I was thrilled to walk out of Chuck E. Cheese's and into a much colder, grayer day - but not as thrilled as I was to be home.


I watched Twilight {not my picture, duh.} and tried to recover from Chuck E. Cheese's aka Mommy Hell.


The boys..


.. played with the caulk gun, and I tried to get a picture of the children by the tree. Unfortunately Teijah is so white he causes a glare. *lol* so none of them were very good.


It also came to my attention that perhaps, I too am in need of a spray tan... and that until I'm done breast feeding my boobs really are going to absolutely encompass.. everything. *ugh* Soon they will take over... and I'll be some walking, talking, 5 foot 1 and three quarters, boob monster. *sighs*

Outtakes: Proof I need to get these children to church.

Teijah: See?! Mom, Tinkerbell on top of the Christmas tree.
Me: Bangs head against wall.
First Santa, now Disney.

Stupid Apple...

Crap.
That's right I said it.
Their are many "joys" of having little girls. There are the raw, unbridled emotions and the meltdowns that are a direct result of said emotions, the struggle to balance a sense of modesty while still teaching them to love, and be comfortable with their own bodies, the constant worrying about when the right time to buy the riffle um...
Then there are all the questions about all the uncomfortable topics, all the icky things that go on that you have to find someway to put in a happy, excited way, so your little girl doesn't start loathing the fact that she was born with indoor plumbing.
And then there are the things you don't plan for... or the things that I don't plan for like the sudden uncomfortableness to talk about certain topics.
Topics that were previously explained in great detail when she was obviously much to little to understand.
Topics that now seem taboo and too grown up for a little girl, my little girl, even though it's painfully obvious that her girlie hormones are starting to destroy her work their magic.
The questions come though she's not quite sure what she's getting at, but I'm smart enough to know eventually it will come to "IT": the mechanics questions. The ones I don't want to answer. My own knowledge of such things destroyed my outlook on life and also resulted in my brother inheriting all my George Micheal tapes... ew... he was singing about that!?! Thanks so much backyard neighbor boy, I could have gone on without that knowledge for years... so nice for you to enlighten me when I was five. Jerk. Misinformation by the way. Seriously, for an embarrassing amount of years I felt dirty and was worried that one day when I was big enough to get my period I'd be pregnant because we "played doctor" with our clothes on. Thanks to the only vaguely informative sex ed classes in elementary school I also thought I'd only get my period one day a month ... you know because they just say once a month... and they really don't get into the whole ovulation/fertilization thing.
Colour me embarrassed...
Moving on..
So the questions come.
3 year old Rowan E.{who wanted to have 10 babies btw}:
"Mom how does the baby come out?"
"Babies come out of your junk."
"Not out of MY junk!"
So I find a very unoffensive pencil drawing on the internet, I show her, she cries, I wasn't kidding, she never wants to have babies.
Recently the questions have been more egocentric, like she's trying to figure out her place, or figure "something" out but hasn't quite figured out the right questions to ask or what "it" is.
Things like:
"Why is my dad my dad but Hilary is the boys dad?"
"Because, I had you with your dad, and I had the boys with Hilary, duh"
What? I never claimed to be wholesome.
The newest and scariest question, scary because it's so close to the things I don't want to talk about:
"If you and my dad weren't married, than how did you have me?"
Thanks so much for that bags of worms sister dear.
Ah! Help! Seriously.
I realize I could have just answered by saying;
"You don't have to be married to have babies, but you should be married. And done with college. And 30."
And honestly I probably did at the time, but this question is so scary because of the "how"... it's so close to the actual question that I panicked. Normally such states of panic lead to ranting in Hilary's direction {he tends to pretend to listen} about how they should totally make age appropriate books on this subject matter, to save poor mommies like me the hassle of figuring out what is okay to say. Sometimes I go on to say that I would go ahead and write them myself, but of course I would feel "weird" attempting to be the authority on how to talk to children about sexuality and such.
So then I find myself at the library, and it hits me. "DUH... the library has books."
Yes, I'm a genius.
So if the library has books, maybe, just maybe they'll have something similar to what I want, something that will aid me in talking to my daughter who is on the cusp of pubescence about all things related to her girl parts; without having to look her in the eye. Much.
So I peruse the children's non-fiction section. Of course, I don't bother to ask the librarian for help or use the digital card catalog. Oh, the scandal. I eventually find the shelf dedicated to this taboo topic and look through the titles with the discomfort of the first time I had to buy my own tampons.
I giggle out loud at my silly anxiety and start skimming through the books
" I can do this I used to talk like a sailor, I'm comfortable speaking about all things genitalia related. In mixed company. Crudely even. This is going to be a breeze. I can do this!"
And then my mouth drops open.
"Holy descriptive diagram"
"Why don't they just put a big blinking sign that says 'Put penis here'!?"
Oops! My inner monologue totally became screaming rhetoric. In the children's section. So of course I look around quickly, praying no one heard me. I sigh and keep looking through the books each one worse than the one before it. I think that maybe there isn't anything here for me. Stupid library. Then I come across a book that looks kind of cartoon-y and has a bit of humor, which works for me, humor is my coping mechanism. So before I even get through half of the book I decide that it is definitely the one.



So, I check out. I pat myself on the back, I am a good parent. I'm doing what I should even if it makes me uncomfortable, even if I don't think she's ready or too young. I will do this, and I will make sure that while I read the book that I speak matter of factly, & be uber nonchalant so she thinks it's no big deal and is comfortable talking about these kind of things with me. I am super mom.

Then I get home and read the whole book. Everything seems good enough... until I get to the part that says "places penis in vagina" or something to that effect. Seriously, do I have to tell her that... really!?!? I really thought "special kind of touching adults do" was enough explanation on the mechanics for a six year old. I cringe, I sigh, I get over it. If it has to be done I'll do it. I certainly don't want a 9 year old boy fresh out of his first session of sex ed to misinform her the way I was. So I keep reading. Apparently the book also thinks that kids should know the definition of masturbation. Oh book, why must you torment me so? I find resolve in myself once again. These things are important. I want her to talk to me about things like this when they come up and she's old enough for me to worry about it. I have to do this.

So I put the book in my closet. That was a week ago.
Yes. I am a sissy.
But really it's more than that.
Reading that book... well it's like eve eating from the tree of knowledge - Once we go there there is no going back. That tiny bit of knowledge is going to put my baby girl on a whole different level. I won't go as far as saying that she will lose her innocence... but she kind of will. I can't imagine her hearing the word sex with out giggling, or cringing, or making some comment about how it is gross. I most certainly will have to be very careful not to speak so openly in front of her, as her blinders, her naivety will be gone. One conversation... the apple, and my little girl will be part of the grown up world with no way to go back to that happy garden of ignorance.
can you blame me for stalling?
Stupid apple.

Out Takes: Ode to...

So a few minutes ago my muse found me while I was in a hot shower (aka natural decongestant) with the boys. And of course my brain child was nothing short of genius! So with out further ado I give you what will surely be a national - no, no a worldwide number one hit!

Boogers in my nose,
Dripping to my toes,
Make me want to scream,
But it isn't that ea-sy,
When I open my mouth,
Frogs seem to jump out,
I think I'm turning green,
I feel so quea-sy,
Boogers in my nose,
Dripping to my toes,
Make me want to scream,
But instead I'll sing.

;) Thank you, thank you.
See I told you. Genius.
What?
I'm the only one that randomly makes up impromptu songs
{Yes, I realize how redundant that is.}
humph... well I hardly believe that
but whatever.
I own this.

P.S.
This is Teijah:


Teijah is NOT a girl.
He is just pretty and has long hair (and is also eating crackers)...
There is nothing wrong with that.
If you see me in public and mention how pretty she is I will probably freak out.
kthanks.
&hearts - queen dani

So this is growing catching up...

well... I was going to clean my house, but suddenly a blog update seemed terribly important..
what?!?
No I am not procrastinating...
how dare you..
Okay,
so maybe I am
but it's an impulsion
Promise.
ADD, remember?


Okay, Now that I have escaped my overly affectionate, needy boys and am safely hiding in my closetFirst things first.

Two of the most lovely ladies in the blogiverse have bestowed upon me some fabulous awards! They are both nothing less than sisters of my soul.

First up: The stellar Lisa from Welcome to the Nut House! This awesome lady {who's also a momma of five little nuts) hosts "Thankful Thursday's" an awesome blog carnival that I keep intending on joining in on but let's face it I've been a very lazy blogger as of late. head on over to her blog and show her some love!
Lisa presented me with the Splash award, given to alluring, amusing, inspiring, bewitching, and/or impressive blogs. *blushes* Thanks so much Lisa! Your pretty alluring, amusing, inspiring, bewitching, and/or impressive yourself!



and of course all awards have rules! here's the skinny:

1 Post the award on your blog/post.
2 Nominate 9 um.. 3 other deserving blogs.
3 Let your friends know they have been chosen by leaving them a comment.
4 Link back to the person who gave it to you.

I nominate:
Mama4Real @ I'm a REAL LIFE mom
Amanda Rose @ Lorretaville
&
Denise @ Boho Girl

Next Up is the spectacular Julie {aka Mama4Real} @ I'm a REAL life Mom! If you haven't yet stumbled upon her blog you should most definitely go NOW, or you know - after your done here... and here. Julie is mom to two sweet boys, was my very first follower {& loyal commenter thankyouverymuch}, the inspiration for my recent Twi-comma, and is also a avid supporter of Love146 {Check it out. Please.} All the proceeds from the adds on her blog are donated to this more than worthy charity, so when you stop by to show some bloggy love be sure to clickity-click-click-click on all those adds & what the hay refresh and click again... I do daily. I cringe at the thought that that could be my daughter... or anybody's daughter....
*sheesh*
moving on..
Julie has gifted me with the Kreativ Blogger Award!


The Rules:

1 Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2 Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3 Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4 Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5 Nominate 7 3 Kreativ Bloggers.
6 Post links to the 7 3 blogs you nominate.
7 Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated.

1. Today I started the enrollment process at Phoenix University, that's right I'm going back to school. My major is switched (yes, again) to an AA in Communications... for no reasons other than that's what my high school aptitude test said I should major in. I've realized {on this beyond-the-mommy-thing self rediscovery journey} that I need to stop worrying about what other people think as far as what my income should be and I should just focus on what makes me happy... money has never been one of them.
2. I used to have a lamp-working business with Rowan E.'s dad... we traveled around, lived in our van and blew glass. I miss that sort of life. A lot. Sometimes. My wanderlust has been almost unbareable lately - literally painful, in fact if I didn't have kids I'd probably be somewhere else right now, & actually the word "TRAPPED!" echos in my head now anytime I start to think of having those twins I've been fantasizing about. Like I said... I'm on a journey.
3. I'm writing a children's book {I'm also attempting to participate in NaNoWriMo}.
4. My companion and I have a very complicated yet simple relationship.. which really I'm not that into discussing atm... maybe one day.
5. I moved out of my parents house when I was 16.
6. When we found out I was pregnant with #2 we left everything to hike the Appalachian Trail, I lasted a week... I would have stayed longer but I wasn't exactly "down" with the fact one of the things I left behind was my daughter {I was never okay w/ it}. One day I'd like to go and finish.
&
7. Lately I've been delving into uncharted territory and accepting and embracing my emotions as opposed to repressing them. It still makes me feel like a whiny emo kid... and it's still pretty embarrassing to talk about. I need to get it into my head that emotion doesn't equal weakness. *sighs* Yes... it's going to be a very long journey.
And now I feel very and a bit naked and silly so without further ado:

Lisa @ Welcome to the Nut House
Darcie @ Such the Spot
&
Tina @ Talkin with Teenie

GO!

Hey! Look what I found!

Tah-dah!



Personally I think they should have gone with the name "Fruit Buddies" but whatever. These puppies aren't organic, but they are 100% fruit purees that seemed perfect for my progressive littlest punk-a-monk, who refuses to eat solid foods unless he can feed himself. I just gave him one to walk around with, a test run, so to speak. He currently thinks the concept is pretty awesome. I'm currently worrying about all the places I may find 100% fruit puree.



I'll let you know how it turns out.

Not Me! Monday

The boys did not just completely unravel my knitting project...
So, I figured there was no better time than now to present to you, my few loyal viewers, Not Me Monday! That fabulous MckBlog Carnival that gives desperate housewives housepeople {or you know, people in general. We don't discriminate because discrimination is icky. Moving on..} *ahem* desperate people *heh* That's really not quite the same is it?

*ahem*

Welcome to Not Me Monday! The fabulous MckBlog Carnival brainchild gifted to us by the stupendously spectacular MckMama, a marvelous MckForum for desperate housewives and the like to reveal their indiscretions and "oh no he di'nt" moments through the safety and false anonymity of our lovely blogiverse.



My high fiber diet and coffee intake combined do not sometimes create a force greater than Captain Planet. So I most certainly did not get a sudden "uncomfortable" feeling while sitting at Rowan E.'s bus stop at 5:50 a.m.. I did not suddenly stand up and squeeze my cheeks as tightly together as possible. The bus did not change it schedule from a 6:08 pick up to a 6:20 pick up with out notice. I did not contemplate squatting in the well maintained hedges, something like that would be atrocious, so I most definitely did not attempt to rationalize how it would be okay because it was still dark out. Rowan E., the smarty pants she is, did not decide to take the opportunity to "mommy me" and say "You should have gone before you left the house.". I did not groan and counter with the child patterned "I didn't have to go then." and promptly tell her to shush. When the bus finally arrived at 6:25 I could not be seen walking waddling, cheeks squeezed, pushing a stroller the mile home, praying the whole way that I "made it". I did not swear at my keys and the stroller for slowing me down in my pursuit of the toilet, and I most certainly did not leave Ori A. in the stroller to cry as I ran to the punk-a-monks' bathroom and managed to narrowly escape disaster.

Want to get in on the Not Me! Monday fun? Click here to find out how then head on over here to see what she, and everyone else is not doing.

Some one should seriously kick me in my ass...

Or at least slip some birth control into my morning tea...
*sighs*
My punk-a-monk kid-lets are getting older...
My littlest is walking around like a pro, he identifies and says "ball" and "car {insert car noises here}"...
My middling is attempting to do the terrible 2's thing except he just can't pull it off so it's more like an annoying almost three *giggles* he's certainly attempting to exert his independence, he likes to tell me "NO" but then giggles about it like he gets how ridiculous he is being. He is getting big {for him}, and strong... and he has the silliest little developed calve muscles...
seriously what two year old has bulging calve muscles?
Anyway, he's getting big and probably comes up with at least 20 new words/phrases everyday.
And my oldest is riding the bus to school, riding her bike sans training wheels and is {*ahem* slowly} embracing her freedom and big-ness... kind of.
It's all very sad I suppose... but really it just gives me the impression it's time to start a new project. The problem is {just in case I haven't mentioned it before} my kids are the only thing I have ever really stuck to....
Yep, you guessed.
Baby fever.
Be careful.
It's more contagious than swine flu.

Out Takes: dialogue and commentary

Teijah M. {crying}
Rowan E. : What?!? You're not hurt! You just closed your penis in the drawer!

Seriously?! Now I don't have a penis... but I'm pretty sure closing it in a drawer would be a pretty big deal

Me: {takes scavenged old hot dog from baby}
Baby: {cries & chases me, pulling his hair}
Me: "Yes. I know it's all very sad. You liked the hot dog, but you can't eat rancid old hot dogs."
Baby : {walks away from me complaining}
Me: "Would you like some booby instead? You can always have booby."
Baby: {turns around quickly, shoots arms up in the air so far he's almost leaning backwards, toddles to me at full force}
Me: {giggles}

What? why are there old hot dogs... well because I have children... they like to hide things and save them for later...

Teijah: {frantically screaming}
Me: {seeks out screaming banshee child to investigate}
Teijah: {eyes shut tight... still screaming frantically}
Ori: {watches with a curious slightly amused look on his face}
Me: {sighs} "Oh man Teijah! I can't believe you sprayed OxyClean in your eye, AGAIN!

Sheesh! Someone should seriously watch these children... or you know, learn to turn the OxyClean sprayer to the "off" position.

Me: {reading random bed time story to all three children}
Teijah: {suddenly looking very concerned and worried as he stares at his sister}
Me: {giggling}"What's the matter Teijah?"
Teijah: Oh no! See!? Teijah's mouth broke!" {points to his sister's newly toothless grin}
Me: {laughing hysterically}
Teijah: {looking offended}
Me: Rory's mouth isn't broken! She just lost her front tooth, that happens when you get big.
Teijah: {satisfied and informed} "Oh."

*lol* No that wasn't a typo. He calls her Teijah... he knows that it's not her name... we don't know why he does it. What gets me is she lost 4 teeth before and he apparently never noticed the difference until the first top front tooth came out... *giggles* that and the genuine look of worry... like something was terribly, terribly wrong that suddenly swept across his face...

Repeat offender...

*sighs* so Ori and I were just hanging out on the kitchen floor, chatting about drool, balls, cars, and whatever "AH" means. All was good, he was eating yogurt snacks out of my hand, and insisting on sitting in my lap... but not on my lap facing away from me, on my lap facing towards me so he could gaze at my face and pet me as we talk... because he's just intimate like that. So we're snuggling and chatting it up and all of a sudden I notice his patented gagging, "help me mom! I'm choking!' face. Knowing that my house is absolutely clean {more on that later} I was not terribly worried, I figured his yogurt snack went down the wrong way or something.. baby appears to spit out suspect yogurt snack & I assumed all is well. *sighs* But all was not well. Then, I remembered that Ori managed to steal Teijah's hot dog {which I then stole from him} a few minutes before, so I begin the throat swiping ritual... searching for a rogue hot dog skin. Nothing. Ori is still gagging, & making some weird low gurgling sound, I continue to swipe his throat {Teijah jumps on my back *grumbles*}. After explaining to Teijah that baby is choking and this is so not the time to play, baby starts to vomit... and he vomits again and again. Finally out comes a freaking sticker... one of those stupid shiny metallic stickers... with Cinderella on it. *ARG* Rowan E... and her stupid stickers. It would be safe to assume that stickers are officially banned from this house.
*ahem*

Of pancakes and Funbags...

So if you follow me on twitter you know that my pancake making this morning led me to thinking about the future state of my boobs. I suppose giggling would be a better way to put it. Either way, the point of the matter is that after years of glorious, spectacular service the girls feel they have been abused {oddly by their purpose.. but whatever} and they aren't going to take it anymore. They will be saggy, lack substance, and need good push-up/cross back/ front snap bras... and of course only the best will do... otherwise they will {of course} look like I breast fed 3 kids {2 of them over a year} because they hate me.
And you know what? That's fine with me dear beastestes. I hate you too.
I can wait for you to shrink down to the B cup that I haven't seen since 5th grade.
Don't get me wrong. You were fun once... I guess, you were spectacular, so much so that I was okay with the fact you choked me when I laid down. We had a great run. And I'm thrilled that I used to flash people, go bra-less, and celebrate you and your bounty as much as possible when you were still amazing. But now? Not so much.
Now I think big boobs are just gross... you have indeed over stayed your welcome... swelling to the size and hardness of large cantaloupes, leaking all over my bed, dripping on my feet... spraying the baby in the eye {okay, okay, that was pretty funny} but I digress.
And I fantasize about the time when I'll be able to "tape" you down to my chest.. and see my feet... the marvelous era of the pancake boobs.

and yet another reason why money is evil...

So I just pulled a penny out of Ori throat. Yeah. I suppose 1 out of 3 isn't bad, neither of Ori's siblings have ever been stupid uh.. clever enough to actually choke on pocket change. Scary, just the right size to completely cover the airway, and never come out: pocket change. {Rowan E. did however, risk it all for Dorritos. Twice.} As he was suddenly gagging he turned around and gave me the cutest, desperate "save me mom!" look ever. I swiped his throat and couldn't find it but luckily ramming my finger down swiping his throat did seem to induced vomiting which forced the darned thing out. Now all is well, you know, now that there are not any choking babies and I yelled at Teijah about leaving money on the now vomited on floor. I'm just saying things like this aren't helping the argument against the whole money is evil thing...

5 weeks!?!?

Um yes... that's right it's been five weeks since I've posted anything. I've been feeling equally uninspired and lost. I tend to go through these periods where I have to find myself and be comfortable with that new version of myself before I can function properly and honestly I'm just not feeling it yet - probably because whoever Dani is for this 3 to 6 months is still hiding. And so I figure I should catch my 4 glorious followers up in the form of a Q&A post {you know, like I had enough readers to actually ask enough questions for a Q&A post} because a) I still haven't found my creativity that has been squandered and hidden in the box at the back of a closet somewhere. b.) my 9 month old has a longer attention span than me ATM. and c) um... because I said so.

Q. So how's the Zoloft?
A. Freaking horrible and evil the first month was sheer hell. It does however seem to help with some things. On day 1 despite how physically awful I felt it seemed like my brain fog had lifted and I was not exhausted anymore just "regular tired", my children are also seeming less grating and I've been playing and more patient with them. I realized after week 1 that I wasn't going to be able to donate breast milk and that made me a little sad, but it's whatever I guess.. I figure right now it's more important that I get back on the right track to my super mom destiny and once that is taken care of I can worry about philanthropy... though I really wish I could take Zoloft and help all those micro preemies that they prescribe the milk to. *sighs* I often have times {because I hate meds and tend to be overly skeptical} where I wonder if the Zoloft is actually doing anything or if it's me. Oh! and you know how they say loss of one sense heightens the others? Apparently the same idea applies to behavioral issues. So now that the Zoloft is masking my depression and anxiety/panic issues my ADD thing is flying like it was given new wings. So now I don't feel like some strange force is preventing my from doing anything, I'm not exhausted and I enjoy my children again but as i previously mentioned my attention span is shorter than my 9 month old's. I speak in incomplete thoughts, forget what I'm doing/get distracted constantly and the ability to stay on task is a laughable concept. So I care enough to want a clean house but do to my constant running around {and Zoloft apparently raping me of my sense of urgency} it can take a few determined days to get it done.

Q. So how are you?
A. Um... Currently I would say that I'm on a journey for self re-discovery and I lost my compass. I'm taking a day at a time and giving my self as much slack as I am pushing myself, Talking to Hilary about the things that frustrate me {though whether it falls on deaf ears or not is debatable}, and getting super excited about super tiny accomplishments {because if you ask me the little things are really what is important anyway}, and really starting to enjoy my kids again. I've been looking into new career/school paths. Lurking a few of my top few favourite blogs. Considering growing my hair out just to get it dreaded, and trying very hard to remember that it's okay to be silly around serious people. I'm pretty sure I definitely want to get my baccalaureate in Nutrition, but I have also played around with the idea of going back to culinary school {especially after I made these phatty Eggs Benedict that nearly changed my life {or made me smile} and {and this is the big one} fantasizing about this awesome natural school in Washington {state} where I could get a BS or Masters in Nutrition or Doctorate in Naturopathy {that's right I'd be Queen Dani N.D.} the curriculum is just as rough as the price... but OMGosh. I'd love it. But for now I need to focus on me and my head and the small picture so that I can find out if I can actually handle it and what not.

*heh* so I know that your seats must be tingling to see the question that I'll answer next but I totally need to TBC {to be continued} this... it's time for the kiddies and I to peddle our way to target to pick up my prescription and then do random mommy & kid things. So feel free to add your own real reader question in the comments and I'll answer them along with all my own faux reader questions next post.

toodles,
queen dani

...and the journey begins.

Tomorrow marks a new journey, one that begins with passing up the rare chance to sleep in so that I can drive panicked and white knuckled for an hour to our not so local mental health clinic. As I have hinted or possibly bluntly stated before something is just not right... it hasn't been for a long time and now it has grown to a head so to speak. I'd rather not get all emo about it. It's just not my thing. It is simply time for me to take care of me. And so tomorrow I'm going to wake up bright and early... and start this new journey to a whole, healthier, more "me" me.. get it? The funny thing is despite my previous resolve and understanding of the whole yes I need to get help thing... now it seems silly, like I'm supposed to go talk to a stranger and be all poor me? I know it's not actually like that but it just seems silly now.
For now I'm just trying to focus on how not silly it's going to seem when I'm closer to my "normal" state, when I'm not so easily frustrated with my children, when I can keep up with and enjoy life...
And so..
I am sucking it up.
I am cleaning my house.
And tomorrow I'll be taking the plunge... and you know... pretending driving doesn't totally freak me out.
{But for now I'm off to the store to get some sort of sugary pastry breakfast to go with my coffee and Pilates at before the sun come up in the morning. *giggles*}