Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Of pancakes and Funbags...

So if you follow me on twitter you know that my pancake making this morning led me to thinking about the future state of my boobs. I suppose giggling would be a better way to put it. Either way, the point of the matter is that after years of glorious, spectacular service the girls feel they have been abused {oddly by their purpose.. but whatever} and they aren't going to take it anymore. They will be saggy, lack substance, and need good push-up/cross back/ front snap bras... and of course only the best will do... otherwise they will {of course} look like I breast fed 3 kids {2 of them over a year} because they hate me.
And you know what? That's fine with me dear beastestes. I hate you too.
I can wait for you to shrink down to the B cup that I haven't seen since 5th grade.
Don't get me wrong. You were fun once... I guess, you were spectacular, so much so that I was okay with the fact you choked me when I laid down. We had a great run. And I'm thrilled that I used to flash people, go bra-less, and celebrate you and your bounty as much as possible when you were still amazing. But now? Not so much.
Now I think big boobs are just gross... you have indeed over stayed your welcome... swelling to the size and hardness of large cantaloupes, leaking all over my bed, dripping on my feet... spraying the baby in the eye {okay, okay, that was pretty funny} but I digress.
And I fantasize about the time when I'll be able to "tape" you down to my chest.. and see my feet... the marvelous era of the pancake boobs.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

and yet another reason why money is evil...

So I just pulled a penny out of Ori throat. Yeah. I suppose 1 out of 3 isn't bad, neither of Ori's siblings have ever been stupid uh.. clever enough to actually choke on pocket change. Scary, just the right size to completely cover the airway, and never come out: pocket change. {Rowan E. did however, risk it all for Dorritos. Twice.} As he was suddenly gagging he turned around and gave me the cutest, desperate "save me mom!" look ever. I swiped his throat and couldn't find it but luckily ramming my finger down swiping his throat did seem to induced vomiting which forced the darned thing out. Now all is well, you know, now that there are not any choking babies and I yelled at Teijah about leaving money on the now vomited on floor. I'm just saying things like this aren't helping the argument against the whole money is evil thing...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

5 weeks!?!?

Um yes... that's right it's been five weeks since I've posted anything. I've been feeling equally uninspired and lost. I tend to go through these periods where I have to find myself and be comfortable with that new version of myself before I can function properly and honestly I'm just not feeling it yet - probably because whoever Dani is for this 3 to 6 months is still hiding. And so I figure I should catch my 4 glorious followers up in the form of a Q&A post {you know, like I had enough readers to actually ask enough questions for a Q&A post} because a) I still haven't found my creativity that has been squandered and hidden in the box at the back of a closet somewhere. b.) my 9 month old has a longer attention span than me ATM. and c) um... because I said so.

Q. So how's the Zoloft?
A. Freaking horrible and evil the first month was sheer hell. It does however seem to help with some things. On day 1 despite how physically awful I felt it seemed like my brain fog had lifted and I was not exhausted anymore just "regular tired", my children are also seeming less grating and I've been playing and more patient with them. I realized after week 1 that I wasn't going to be able to donate breast milk and that made me a little sad, but it's whatever I guess.. I figure right now it's more important that I get back on the right track to my super mom destiny and once that is taken care of I can worry about philanthropy... though I really wish I could take Zoloft and help all those micro preemies that they prescribe the milk to. *sighs* I often have times {because I hate meds and tend to be overly skeptical} where I wonder if the Zoloft is actually doing anything or if it's me. Oh! and you know how they say loss of one sense heightens the others? Apparently the same idea applies to behavioral issues. So now that the Zoloft is masking my depression and anxiety/panic issues my ADD thing is flying like it was given new wings. So now I don't feel like some strange force is preventing my from doing anything, I'm not exhausted and I enjoy my children again but as i previously mentioned my attention span is shorter than my 9 month old's. I speak in incomplete thoughts, forget what I'm doing/get distracted constantly and the ability to stay on task is a laughable concept. So I care enough to want a clean house but do to my constant running around {and Zoloft apparently raping me of my sense of urgency} it can take a few determined days to get it done.

Q. So how are you?
A. Um... Currently I would say that I'm on a journey for self re-discovery and I lost my compass. I'm taking a day at a time and giving my self as much slack as I am pushing myself, Talking to Hilary about the things that frustrate me {though whether it falls on deaf ears or not is debatable}, and getting super excited about super tiny accomplishments {because if you ask me the little things are really what is important anyway}, and really starting to enjoy my kids again. I've been looking into new career/school paths. Lurking a few of my top few favourite blogs. Considering growing my hair out just to get it dreaded, and trying very hard to remember that it's okay to be silly around serious people. I'm pretty sure I definitely want to get my baccalaureate in Nutrition, but I have also played around with the idea of going back to culinary school {especially after I made these phatty Eggs Benedict that nearly changed my life {or made me smile} and {and this is the big one} fantasizing about this awesome natural school in Washington {state} where I could get a BS or Masters in Nutrition or Doctorate in Naturopathy {that's right I'd be Queen Dani N.D.} the curriculum is just as rough as the price... but OMGosh. I'd love it. But for now I need to focus on me and my head and the small picture so that I can find out if I can actually handle it and what not.

*heh* so I know that your seats must be tingling to see the question that I'll answer next but I totally need to TBC {to be continued} this... it's time for the kiddies and I to peddle our way to target to pick up my prescription and then do random mommy & kid things. So feel free to add your own real reader question in the comments and I'll answer them along with all my own faux reader questions next post.

queen dani


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