If only it were really that easy...

To avoid the certain death that comes along with one's brain blinking too often, I wrestled the pan lids out of Ori's unwilling hands. There is only so much fervent coffee table banging one can take after all, and Hilary was {ahem and is} still sleeping. In an attempt to avoid the eardrum shattering velociraptor screeching that follows when Ori's alpha ego is bruised, I grab the first noise making toy I see {A piece of the Little Peoples carnival, if you must know}. I spin the Ferris wheel expecting to hear music, giggling and best of all not hear my child morph into the ferocious beast he truly is. Nothing happens the screeching begins as I exclaim: "Great someone turned it off because it's fun to make my life more difficult." Okay perhaps I was being bitchy whiny, but anyone who has ever tried to accomplish anything with children in the house should understand, the tiniest malfunction can mean the difference between mommy success and mommyFAIL. So I rush over to close my bedroom door, frustration brewing in my chest. Then Teijah happily states: "Yours life is not difficult, mommy, see? Turn on." {Because everything a three year old does comes with narration.} He turned on the Ferris wheel and gave it to the now content velociraptor. Me? I was in hysterics. Heh, thanks a lot, Teijah... if only it were really that easy.

She He get it from her his momma Daddy

No there will be no talk of eyes, thighs, or all those other things that are inappropriate for young viewers. I've just been finding myself amused with all the "interesting" things that daddy's seem to pass on to their boys.
Things like:


Nose picking,


Toe nail chewing,


and running around in the nude.

Perhaps while I'm chasing H around with a rolling pin gently asking H not to encourage the boys to eat the boogers, I should remember the things they are getting from their daddy that make my heart smile.


Yep.
My little men spend half their day being gross boys and wrestling and the other half burping babies and pushing them around in strollers. They aspire to be attentive, loving parents.
They get it from their daddy :) and maybe having a big sister helps.. just a little.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me Monday! The tell all, mommy confessional orchestrated by the spectacular Mckmama so that we, the mother's of the world could shout to the heavens our perfection and educate the world on just how easy, and stress-less motherhood really is, or not.


Just to be clear, I did not just wake up... that would be terrible! Could you imagine the kinds of things a mother would wake up to? It would be simply inexcusable! Yes, inexcusable, even if said mommy was up all night tending to a much too sick baby who seemed to think it was cool to morph into the worlds cutest space heater. Unforgivable, even if she finally got the baby to sleep soundly - just in time to wake up to take her oldest to the bus stop. A smart mommy would know better, and would never go back to sleep after such a long night of not sleeping... she would drink pot after pot of coffee, and sacrifice sleep to tend to her dear children. Because I am so not that mommy I did not wake up to Ori chewing on a medicine dropper. I absolutely did not demand: "Teijah, where is baby's medicine?". He did not grin and say, "I drink it!" because he's a dear sweet angel and has never been known to down infants Tylenol, Motrin, or Mylicon if they were left out where he could reach {or climb} to get them. And if he was, I certainly would not have left the Tylenol on an end table, where he could easily scavenge it. Even if I was exhausted and stressed out, I would have remembered to put it back in it's hiding place.
Because I am the epitome of a vigilant mommy, there is not currently a racing stripe on my dinner table. If there was it would definitely not be painted on with Burt's Bee's butt creme, and Handy Manny and his motorcycle would not be using it as a road as we speak. That would be ridiculous, any normal mommy would have cleaned that mess up right away.
Of course, Ori is not still in his night time diaper and woolens... and I did not just get vomited on so taking a shower with the little guy... is not imperative.. right. now.

Want to get in on the Not Me! Monday fun? Well head on over to MckMama's blog for complete instructions {cute button} and to see what she and everyone else is not doing.

We interupt our regularly scheduled program...

because I did my Sunday Outtakes post on Friday,
because I just had to share,
because I was bursting.

So instead I give you:

The Day the Zoloft Failed: pictures and commentary



Ori stole a piece of pizza off a tray when I wasn't looking. It was very cute, and so is his new pointing thing.


It took 15 minutes to convince Teijah to sit with the other children to have pizza and cake. He wanted to play instead. the last 7 of those 15 minutes were spent with me going to get him and then holding him in my lap until he got over it. No he didn't get a haircut, and yes, it was during this rucus that Ori stole the pizza.


Rowan E. hung out with A., her bestie from school. Yes, I realize the boys are in dire need of a spray tan... I don't know why they are so white.


Teijah "drove" a monster truck. After a few minutes he started to cry, despite his love of monster trucks. Apparently he's not a fan of hydrolics.

I lost each of the children at least 5 times, and regretted not bringing the stroller and losing my "free refills" cup. Oh yeah, and going, and bringing all the children.


I was thrilled to walk out of Chuck E. Cheese's and into a much colder, grayer day - but not as thrilled as I was to be home.


I watched Twilight {not my picture, duh.} and tried to recover from Chuck E. Cheese's aka Mommy Hell.


The boys..


.. played with the caulk gun, and I tried to get a picture of the children by the tree. Unfortunately Teijah is so white he causes a glare. *lol* so none of them were very good.


It also came to my attention that perhaps, I too am in need of a spray tan... and that until I'm done breast feeding my boobs really are going to absolutely encompass.. everything. *ugh* Soon they will take over... and I'll be some walking, talking, 5 foot 1 and three quarters, boob monster. *sighs*

Outtakes: Proof I need to get these children to church.

Teijah: See?! Mom, Tinkerbell on top of the Christmas tree.
Me: Bangs head against wall.
First Santa, now Disney.

Out Takes: dialogue and commentary

Teijah M. {crying}
Rowan E. : What?!? You're not hurt! You just closed your penis in the drawer!

Seriously?! Now I don't have a penis... but I'm pretty sure closing it in a drawer would be a pretty big deal

Me: {takes scavenged old hot dog from baby}
Baby: {cries & chases me, pulling his hair}
Me: "Yes. I know it's all very sad. You liked the hot dog, but you can't eat rancid old hot dogs."
Baby : {walks away from me complaining}
Me: "Would you like some booby instead? You can always have booby."
Baby: {turns around quickly, shoots arms up in the air so far he's almost leaning backwards, toddles to me at full force}
Me: {giggles}

What? why are there old hot dogs... well because I have children... they like to hide things and save them for later...

Teijah: {frantically screaming}
Me: {seeks out screaming banshee child to investigate}
Teijah: {eyes shut tight... still screaming frantically}
Ori: {watches with a curious slightly amused look on his face}
Me: {sighs} "Oh man Teijah! I can't believe you sprayed OxyClean in your eye, AGAIN!

Sheesh! Someone should seriously watch these children... or you know, learn to turn the OxyClean sprayer to the "off" position.

Me: {reading random bed time story to all three children}
Teijah: {suddenly looking very concerned and worried as he stares at his sister}
Me: {giggling}"What's the matter Teijah?"
Teijah: Oh no! See!? Teijah's mouth broke!" {points to his sister's newly toothless grin}
Me: {laughing hysterically}
Teijah: {looking offended}
Me: Rory's mouth isn't broken! She just lost her front tooth, that happens when you get big.
Teijah: {satisfied and informed} "Oh."

*lol* No that wasn't a typo. He calls her Teijah... he knows that it's not her name... we don't know why he does it. What gets me is she lost 4 teeth before and he apparently never noticed the difference until the first top front tooth came out... *giggles* that and the genuine look of worry... like something was terribly, terribly wrong that suddenly swept across his face...

Repeat offender...

*sighs* so Ori and I were just hanging out on the kitchen floor, chatting about drool, balls, cars, and whatever "AH" means. All was good, he was eating yogurt snacks out of my hand, and insisting on sitting in my lap... but not on my lap facing away from me, on my lap facing towards me so he could gaze at my face and pet me as we talk... because he's just intimate like that. So we're snuggling and chatting it up and all of a sudden I notice his patented gagging, "help me mom! I'm choking!' face. Knowing that my house is absolutely clean {more on that later} I was not terribly worried, I figured his yogurt snack went down the wrong way or something.. baby appears to spit out suspect yogurt snack & I assumed all is well. *sighs* But all was not well. Then, I remembered that Ori managed to steal Teijah's hot dog {which I then stole from him} a few minutes before, so I begin the throat swiping ritual... searching for a rogue hot dog skin. Nothing. Ori is still gagging, & making some weird low gurgling sound, I continue to swipe his throat {Teijah jumps on my back *grumbles*}. After explaining to Teijah that baby is choking and this is so not the time to play, baby starts to vomit... and he vomits again and again. Finally out comes a freaking sticker... one of those stupid shiny metallic stickers... with Cinderella on it. *ARG* Rowan E... and her stupid stickers. It would be safe to assume that stickers are officially banned from this house.
*ahem*

and yet another reason why money is evil...

So I just pulled a penny out of Ori throat. Yeah. I suppose 1 out of 3 isn't bad, neither of Ori's siblings have ever been stupid uh.. clever enough to actually choke on pocket change. Scary, just the right size to completely cover the airway, and never come out: pocket change. {Rowan E. did however, risk it all for Dorritos. Twice.} As he was suddenly gagging he turned around and gave me the cutest, desperate "save me mom!" look ever. I swiped his throat and couldn't find it but luckily ramming my finger down swiping his throat did seem to induced vomiting which forced the darned thing out. Now all is well, you know, now that there are not any choking babies and I yelled at Teijah about leaving money on the now vomited on floor. I'm just saying things like this aren't helping the argument against the whole money is evil thing...

The return of: Not Me! Monday

So it's no secret I've been gone for awhile... I've been busy/out of touch/whatever... not inspired. But I've decided (as I often do) to try the "fake it till you make it" approach in an attempt to be a functional... well... anything. And so now with out much more ado I bring you...



That right! Not me! Monday; that stupendous blog carnival set in to motion by the fabulous Mckmama in an attempt to free our minds of countless indiscretions and oh no he di'nt moments while we share the wonderfulness that is mommy-dom... or you know, not.

I have not waited to the absolute last minute to enroll Rowan E. in school... the last minute would technically be Friday and Friday hasn't happened yet... but... I of course was on top of my mommy job and enrolled her way back in January...

I have not totally decided that it's absolutely okay for her to go to public school because I most certainly need a break.

I would never let my children run around in the nude, so of course there are never accidents on the floor... and I certainly wouldn't blog about it.

I am not absolutely ecstatic that Teijah has stopped forcing himself to poo 5 to 6 times a day just to get poosnacks..
He also has not worn diapers at sleep times for over a week.

And finally... since I know all children are different and uniquely special I my concern did not suddenly become overwhelming and I did not frantically Google the term micropenis and research all day. *sighs* I am not even going to go there... but I will say I'm so not concerned now... and ew... serious ew.

So want to get on all the Not me! fun? Head on over to Mckmama's blog for all the detail and to see what she, and every one else is not doing.

Lifes a beach...

Once upon a time when our little family still lived at my mothers (after a series of unfortunate events) we would set aside one day each weekend to ride our bikes 15 miles to the beach with our (or rather my) still low in number children in tow.
*ahem* I feel that I should point out that I don't think the addition of one more really puts me in the ranks John & Kate (Though My Love is getting close, his tally is currently at 5) or Michelle Duggar but for some reason (ironically) in our go bigger or go home society people (a LOT of people.. seriously, EVERY time I go out with all of them) start asking "Are they all yours?" once you get to #3. Sometimes I think maybe they are just trying to be nice, you know, because I definitely look like I had three kids. Moving on...
So every Sunday the four of us set off with minimal beach equipment and ample water, the children happily loaded into their cart, My Love and I on our rusty but reliable (and very heavy) bicycles, me in my huge grandma shorts *lol*. It was always awesome, lots of good exercise, Teijah loved the water and eating the sand, Rowan E. freaked out and was scared of the water, and we all were looking tan shiny and healthy. Then we had a fortunate turn of events and were able to get our own house, but it was much to far from the beach and our little family was unfortunately out of our short lived tradition.
And then Mark came to visit....

Sorry I have no idea who's butt that is, I didn't even notice she was there when I was taking the picture *giggles* and now her brightly flowered bum is part of our family memories forever... let this be a lesson to anyone bending over at the beach. It is always better to sit when collecting shells...
*sighs* Of course I'm going to have to name her... or at least her fanny.
Of course Mark, who hasn't lived in Florida most of his life and does not have ocean beaches at his disposal was very adamant about going to the beach. The first day I sent them (Mark, My Love, and My Love's 3rd baby's(our sometimes Y number 1A lol) mama Sara), off with my car. The next day when the boy's wanted to go again I decided to go as well despite my lack of bathing suit. It of course was fantabulous.
The six of us packed into my 5 seat Kia Sephia, and with Mark driving headed towards Sanibel Island. On the way there we paid $7 in tolls made a quick stop to pick up an awesome guitar that Mark found for us on Craiglist for $20 *thanks Mark, and is still totally doing the happy dance* and at a little mom and pop shop to pick up more water and some yummy fried chicken that Mark got a great deal on.
Rory had to go potty of course so the boys went ahead of us.
Walking down the walk to the beach I saw this:


...and a warm happiness filled my heart. I could hear a child crying in the distance, so I looked around and thought "well that's certainly not Teijah! He must be so happy to be in the water again."
as I walked closer I still couldn't figure out where the crying was coming from and then I saw my son's twisted grimace. He was not happy. He was freaked out and most certainly did not want to be in the water. So I did what anyone would do, I picked him up and walking further out into the water laughing and jumping as the waves crashed against it. He bought it too and way belly laughing right along with my, that is until the wave that was taller than his 5'1 mommy and he got water in his face... his current phobia/annoyance. And so that was it, then Teijah spent the rest of his time at the beach like this:


Except for when he "borrowed" someone's beach toys


Oh and yes, all my very musical children can keep a beat/rhythm... Just in case you were wondering.

With in seconds of hitting the sand Rory looked around quickly, like she had a radar device in her head, and found the first kid she could see. Once her target was sighted she ran over and made friends. And her time at the beach was spent as such:


I'm going to have to watch out for that girl...


Little Ori loved the water and My Love even boasted that he laid flat in the water (Which is a big deal to him, Teijah never did he always was trying to keep his head out of the water, you know; because he has survival skills and this would never happen to him.)


When he grew over stimulated and was done with the sun he hung out like this in the stroller:

And because I always think of little Stellan every time Ori does something for the first time (they are close in age) before we left I couldn't help but to write his name in the sand:


And on the way home we stopped at a Chick-fil-A drive thru so we could finally see what the big deal was. After we got home Mark and My Love got dolled up to go have a boys night out with My Loves poppy and the kids and I settled around our coffee table to munch on our yummy Chick-fil-A feast (which came complete with shakes which were so worth the suffering) and watch Princess Protection Program.

We have totally decided to readopt our family tradition, but if we're planning on adding Chick-fil-A to our beach fun we'll have to switch to Saturdays since they are a Christian run corporation and are closed on Sunday's... which is as neat as it is inconvenient. *grins*

Now I seriously need to find a job to support my newly found Chick-fil-A habit... and you know, so I can buy car seats.

Oh no he di'nt!

So I'm wondering if i should just give up and give the baby a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Apparently Teijah feels he has waited long enough and likes to leave parts of his PB&J's tucked into places secret places for Ori to finds as he ventures through out the house. In case you have not put 2 and 2 together, Ori has yet again found Teijah's PB&J and was in fact munching on it... only he definitely had the peanut butter side this time and did not growl like a puppy losing his bone when I took it away this time but rather smiled as though he was satisfied with the peanut buttery goodness. I did however stop to a take picture this time, after I took away the sandwich of course, and since it's Not Me! Monday I know you'll forgive me for the pile of laundry that is NOT next to him, and the quality of the picture... it is after all monsoon season here in Florida.


He certainly looks pleased with himself. :)

His brother's keeper

I was busying away in the kitchen making some nutty banapple pancakes and Ori had and his crankiness had found their way to the kitchen, sat up, and did that thing where he refuses to move but will sit there and make strange animal noises until someone picks him up. Since it was way too early in the morning and I knew I had no time to deal with him and his plump grumpiness I pick him up and plopped his chunkiness on the counter next to me so I could continue on with my pancake process.
Then I hear a beautifully round toddler voice ask:"Mom? Baby?"
So I answer: "The baby is in the kitchen with me Teijah."
To that he responded: "No. mom, PLAY!"
Giggling I asked: "You want the baby to play with you, Teijah"
He answered with a very serious: "yeah, mom. baby PLAY!"
Still giggling: "Alright Teijah,you can play with baby."
With that Teijah ran off to get his bucket of cars and I picked up "little" Ori and brought him into the living to play with his very eager big brother.
*smiles* Awesome.
Teijah really is an amazing big brother... and it's a good thing too,
especially since (and it's no secret but it certainly will be later) we had him for Teijah. That's right my only "planned" baby was for the benefit of my other baby *lol*. The five (4 at the time) year old's kept excluding him, he even got pushed off the top bunk once... ridiculous. It makes me so happy to see how well it is working out, and he appears to be very happy and willing to share his toys be his brother's keeper.

Blueberries!

Woohoo! Blueberries were on sale at Target for $1 so, thinking of My Love who refuses to feed himself unless it's convenient, I bought a few. With a blueberry stash on hand it was inevitable that when Teijah requested pancakes this morning so well that it could have been his sister asking I of course obliged and made blueberry pancakes.
For those of you that don't know me personally, Teijah (pronounced Tay-ah in case you were wondering)just started talking so sometimes it's hard to tell him no, or be very frustrated with him for asking me for things when I'm busy (which happens with his sister all the time). This morning he told me "hungry, mom." which is awesome because it was the first time he said hungry. So, instead of pumping like I normally do when I first get up, I went straight to the kitchen. Of course I was followed by my extra tiny 2 1/2 year old who then requested "pancakes, please? pancakes, mom?" Who could say no to that? He even helped put the blueberries on the counter. children are so helpful and polite at this age! Hopefully I find a way to keep him that way. I think having a small child in the house all the time helps, Rowan E. seems to be remember her manners more often now that she sees how much attention her brother gets for it. how effective it is. Now if I could just get her to stop whining and freaking out for no reason so he stops learning that from her. When I figure out how to make a little girl stop whining - you better believe there is going to be a blog post about it! For now she has been informed that any time he acts in said whiny manner she will also be punished - I will not have a house full of whiny children... "whining goes to the bedroom" as we say here and I do not want to have to say it 20 times a day... whoa... so yeah have you noticed the about me at the upper right hand corner?... I warned you I was highly distractable...
So anyway, as I was making a few dozen mini blueberry pancakes (because mini pancakes means no silverware... and I hate silverware, mainly the washing of it) I realized that yesterday was the day that little Ori was supposed to try a new food but he had not. Then it hit me - what better time then now to let him try some blueberries? And what a blueberry mess he was afterward! I refrained the urge to roast the blueberries to make them more blueberry-y because: a.) I already had roasted bananas in the fridge (and it seemed silly to just roast blueberries), and b.) though I know that cooking the berries down make them far more tasty I wasn't sure the nutritional value of the delicate berries would hold up during cooking.

Roasted Bananas w/ Blueberries

2 tbs roasted bananas w/o booby milk (so basically banana concentrate *lol* not banana pudding)
1 or 2 big handfuls of fresh blueberries
optional water, booby milk, whatever for mixing.

Dump bananas & blueberries in food processor or blender, *attempt to blend.
put into storage containers. Feed to happy, unsuspecting baby. Wash blueberry covered baby while imagining he's that girl from Charlie & The Chocolate Factory.

* I say attempt because I attempted to use my 1 cup blender and it was just too thick w/ to small an amount to blend so I added a little water (like I said I did not pump this morning so I didn't have fresh booby milk on hand) so it would blend. Roasted bananas do this cool/weird thickening thing but still be sure not to add too much liquid so you don't end up with a smoothie. :) I ended up with about 4 tablespoons.