The return of: Not Me! Monday

So it's no secret I've been gone for awhile... I've been busy/out of touch/whatever... not inspired. But I've decided (as I often do) to try the "fake it till you make it" approach in an attempt to be a functional... well... anything. And so now with out much more ado I bring you...



That right! Not me! Monday; that stupendous blog carnival set in to motion by the fabulous Mckmama in an attempt to free our minds of countless indiscretions and oh no he di'nt moments while we share the wonderfulness that is mommy-dom... or you know, not.

I have not waited to the absolute last minute to enroll Rowan E. in school... the last minute would technically be Friday and Friday hasn't happened yet... but... I of course was on top of my mommy job and enrolled her way back in January...

I have not totally decided that it's absolutely okay for her to go to public school because I most certainly need a break.

I would never let my children run around in the nude, so of course there are never accidents on the floor... and I certainly wouldn't blog about it.

I am not absolutely ecstatic that Teijah has stopped forcing himself to poo 5 to 6 times a day just to get poosnacks..
He also has not worn diapers at sleep times for over a week.

And finally... since I know all children are different and uniquely special I my concern did not suddenly become overwhelming and I did not frantically Google the term micropenis and research all day. *sighs* I am not even going to go there... but I will say I'm so not concerned now... and ew... serious ew.

So want to get on all the Not me! fun? Head on over to Mckmama's blog for all the detail and to see what she, and every one else is not doing.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to this installment of NOT ME! Monday the spectacular Blog carnival set forth by the endearing MckMama to help us (her loyal followers) vent, rant, rage, and deny all life most interesting moment. Want to join in on all this bloggy fun? Well head on over to her site to get the complete rules and to see what she and everyone else is not doing. Having our friend Mark visit for a few days did not make me miss the communal home we had when My Love and I first got together. I am not terribly lonely and do not feel lost all. the. time.
I did not tell Left Brained, Genius, My Love that he sucks, and does not challenge me creatively and that he has made me boring.
I have not thought about blogging about how terrible "adaptable" is as a personality trait and how parents should discourage adaptive behavior by mimicking their child's behavior to keep their "adapts easily" child unique.
I was not completely psyched when Mark searched and found an awesome deal ($20) on a guitar on Craigslist, and then decided to buy it for me and the children. I was not even more psyched when the $20 guitar was of the acoustic classical variety. I have not been contemplating dropping my 4 credit Creative Experience for the Young Child class so I can swap it for the 1 credit guitar class that is offered at the same time.
I am also not going to keep my fall ceramics class, which is not cohesive with My Love's schedule. My younger children will not be going to daycare from 10 to 2 on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the Fall just so I can feel full filled, because I of course feel that it is important for the children to be only socialized selectively and by their parent for at least the first few years of their lives.
My wanderlust has not yet loomed to the extreme where taking my city dwelling children into the woods with the hippies no longer screams CAUTION, and THEY AREN'T READY YET! in my head, and I am not totally jealous of anyone going to the National Rainbow Gathering or you know, anywhere.
I do not feel like a mossy tumbleweed must feel.
In case you didn't know, I have not switched my major from Nursing/Pre-med to Education just so my career would warrant summers off and I will be free to travel.
I did not suddenly for the first time in my life notice I was compulsively eating out of sadness, and if I did, I would not have shrugged my shoulders and went on munching on Teijah's "Hurray you went poo poo on the potty!" mini Kit-Kats.
My love did not clog the toilet when we were on our way out the door to take Mark to catch his ride out of town and not mention anything about it. Later that day Teijah did not go in the bathroom to go potty on the potty like a big boy. I did not hear him flush the toilet twice and then hear a large splash noise. And I certainly did not hear him scream "I DID IT!" as he was running out of the bathroom. When handing My Love our baby who is not way too clingy again now that he's over the fact he can get around he did not say "Oh yeah the toilet was clogged but I didn't know where the plunger was and we were in a hurry." I did not have to clean up 1 inch of water and tiny pieces of grown up poo off the bathroom floor... because you know grown ups use the grown up bathroom and fix plumbing problems right away. I did not tell My Love that he sucked and next time it was his turn, and that when he's old and pooing himself we were going to have to hire a nurse because there was no way in hell I was ever cleaning up his poo again, no matter how much I love him.
And, I was not absolutely pleased with my self for switching my major when I realized that if I was a nurse/doctor I could have to clean up grown up poo every day... because I of course would never change my major... I'm going to be Doctor Dani M.D. and would never settle for Doctor Dani Ph.D.

Because we shouldn't have been eating lunch at 4:30 anyway...

After a much too long nap with little Ori A. we emerged from my bedroom bright eyed and bushy-tailed. I unsnapped his diaper and plopped his chunkiness down on the floor to play bare-butted with his siblings. I tossed his diaper in the laundry room sink, washed my hands and went into the kitchen to make a slew of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (a.k.a manna from the gods) for our belated lunch. After completing my "mommy duties" and serving everyone else I sat down to eat my own PB&J, banana, & soy milk combo from the "Queen Dani Drive-Thru".
Since I moved the dining room table on to the porch (or lanai if you want to be fancy) we've been enjoying lunches at the coffee table in our living room; we do after all live in South Florida and lets be serious afternoons in the summer are excruciating. So there I sat munching on my PB&J, chatting with my kiddies, and watching the Disney Channel when Rowan E. exclaims: (since she is often the one exclaiming a.k.a screaming) "The baby pooped!". Me shocked(suddenly remembering about his bare-butted chunkiness): "No, he didn't!?"
Sure enough.
I got out of my seat to find sweet little Ori A. happily free form finger painting in his own slimy olive green poo. Apparently blueberries really do it for him. I grabbed my little man under the arms holding him at arms length as I ran into my bathroom. I plopped him into my bathtub and turned the water on, he started swishing the water and all the little particles so I picked him up and held him directly under the faucet while the water drained and rinsed out the tub. Then I quickly lathered his chunkiness up with his yummy goats milk soap (thanks for the head up Mckmama! I &hearts soap), and got him out of the tub as promptly as I had plopped him in (after i rinsed him off, of course). I diapered the boy, cleaned the floor, started some laundry, washed my hands *duh*, and got back to my PB&J.
Lesson learned: If one expects to enjoy a PB&J combo, be sure to diaper any bare-butted babies... Or, I could always just hand My Love the baby and run.

let the logs fall where they may....

Breaking news... or something like that.
Moments ago I noticed that The Boy was lost (most likely in my room) for much too long. I jumped up and darted into my bedroom, sure he was there. I had only recently got The Baby to sleep, or really I should say finally; he's been doing this annoying fighting sleep thing which is understandable, I mean seriously he can finally do something besides just lay there. Knowing that The Boy likes to climb up The Baby's crib and do other uncalled for things, there was certainly need for me to be in a hurry. I quickly scanned my room, the crib, the swing... no boy. Ah, but then I was greeted by a all too familiar smell; I rushed through my hall way to my bathroom and there it was. I prepared my self to go through the usual routine when my missing son reemerged in his usual two year old naked glory. He strutted out of the toilet room with a square of toilet paper in hand, then before I could say anything he marched over and using said square of toilet paper; picked up his recently deposited log and then ran back to the toilet where he then tossed his poo and flushed it down. The he simply said, "Ew Mom", and... well what do you do when something like that happens? I laughed, made sure butts were wiped and then a good hand washing... no scolding though - it just wouldn't have been effective with all the laughing that was happening.
It was nice, for once, to not be the only poop picker-uper, but I have to wonder how much more poo I'm going to have to endure.

Not me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama, one of the few mamas who's blogs I have been obsessing over following lately. You can visit her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Let the carnival begin! *lol*

I will start by making it perfectly clear that when "that woman" stared at my stomach this weekend I did not contemplate voluntary anorexia, just so I could be skinny and then stare at her stomach and ask when she was going to loose the weight, and I absolutely did not think it would be much funnier if I (instead of starving myself) just blurted out "yes, I am pregnant again" (even though it would be a lie) just to get a reaction out of her.

I also did not blow a whole semester of school... and upon finishing said semester I did not receive an email letting me know that I was not being put on probation (like i had thought) instead I was completely losing my financial aid and that unless I appeal before the next semester I plan on attending... (that one I'm registered for already that starts Wednesday) I will be required to pay back the full amount I received for the last semester...

I most certainly did not go to the store to make a nice healthy fresh dinner for the children and me, only to come home and decide cake and ice cream would be fine, and of course I would never eat half a mini lemon creme cake all by myself...

I am not currently - or never will I be plotting to make my children cry and plead: "please let mommy go to school" when we go to my college for absolutely no reason tomorrow, and I am not planning on going to sleep early just so I can avoid telling My Love about the absolutely nothing that is going on with my financial aid, and I am of course not in constant silent prayer that it will all work out.

I have also never had to clean up poop.... three times in one day that was completely filled with Styrofoam balls (and I didn't misspell Styrofoam 10 times)and I would never get down on all fours to inspect said "seedy poop" upon it's first deposit. It also would not take me until the last poo clean up to realize that it was not in fact pepper seeds and that it was the result of a certain little man who shall remain nameless - Teijah, chewing - or apparently eating Styrofoam. After not cleaning up this nonexistent poo I did not go on a rant about how dogs poo around the house and chew everything up - not little boys and I don't like dogs in my house, and I did not secretly think the Styrofoam poop was hilarious, because that would just be wrong...