Not Me! Monday

:) i'm back...
yes I'm sure you were all on the edge of your seats!
So without further ado {because I'm currently low on ado} I bring to you:



That's right: Not Me! Monday - the stupendous iSoapbox where we can stand and deny all those thing that we do {or you know, do not that make us human.

*Fine Print*
Not Me! Monday is the colourful & sparkely brain child of the fabulous {incubating} MckMama!

Despite what Hilary will tell you, I absolutely have not spent enough money on these:


to buy one of these:

*not my picture*

since my espresso maker attacked me and died.

This may be my son..



But he certainly is not adorned with fake tattoos!



And WHAT? Those black fingernails?


Those are not his either!
:-p

In case there was any confusion, we are very green around these parts. I clean au natural w/ vinegar and such. If you came to visit and asked for a paper towel you'd be out of luck and we pretty much ride our bikes everywhere - even when the car is functioning. So, of course I have not officially {or otherwise} completely switched back to disposable diapers. My love for the environment is far greater than my love of not getting peed on... and I absolutely LOVE having to wash them.. it's very zen.



I mean seriously, Hilary is going to school to be an environmental engineer.. I could never do such a thing.. whats a little pee and funny fitting pants when we're talking about the planet.. I would never do that, nope not me... I'm the Queen of Cloth Diapering.

This is not officially the best thing at Starbucks:


And i with my fast nutritional knowledge did not see "reduced fat" and automatically assume low calorie. Nope not me!

Is there something you have not been doing lately that you'd love to get off your chest {and not in that man is this baby ever going to be done with breast feeding way... seriously, I am SO there}? Head on over here for complete rules and cute button, and then go here to see what MckMama and everyone else have not been doing!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me Monday! The tell all, mommy confessional orchestrated by the spectacular Mckmama so that we, the mother's of the world could shout to the heavens our perfection and educate the world on just how easy, and stress-less motherhood really is, or not.


Just to be clear, I did not just wake up... that would be terrible! Could you imagine the kinds of things a mother would wake up to? It would be simply inexcusable! Yes, inexcusable, even if said mommy was up all night tending to a much too sick baby who seemed to think it was cool to morph into the worlds cutest space heater. Unforgivable, even if she finally got the baby to sleep soundly - just in time to wake up to take her oldest to the bus stop. A smart mommy would know better, and would never go back to sleep after such a long night of not sleeping... she would drink pot after pot of coffee, and sacrifice sleep to tend to her dear children. Because I am so not that mommy I did not wake up to Ori chewing on a medicine dropper. I absolutely did not demand: "Teijah, where is baby's medicine?". He did not grin and say, "I drink it!" because he's a dear sweet angel and has never been known to down infants Tylenol, Motrin, or Mylicon if they were left out where he could reach {or climb} to get them. And if he was, I certainly would not have left the Tylenol on an end table, where he could easily scavenge it. Even if I was exhausted and stressed out, I would have remembered to put it back in it's hiding place.
Because I am the epitome of a vigilant mommy, there is not currently a racing stripe on my dinner table. If there was it would definitely not be painted on with Burt's Bee's butt creme, and Handy Manny and his motorcycle would not be using it as a road as we speak. That would be ridiculous, any normal mommy would have cleaned that mess up right away.
Of course, Ori is not still in his night time diaper and woolens... and I did not just get vomited on so taking a shower with the little guy... is not imperative.. right. now.

Want to get in on the Not Me! Monday fun? Well head on over to MckMama's blog for complete instructions {cute button} and to see what she and everyone else is not doing.

Not Me! Monday

The boys did not just completely unravel my knitting project...
So, I figured there was no better time than now to present to you, my few loyal viewers, Not Me Monday! That fabulous MckBlog Carnival that gives desperate housewives housepeople {or you know, people in general. We don't discriminate because discrimination is icky. Moving on..} *ahem* desperate people *heh* That's really not quite the same is it?

*ahem*

Welcome to Not Me Monday! The fabulous MckBlog Carnival brainchild gifted to us by the stupendously spectacular MckMama, a marvelous MckForum for desperate housewives and the like to reveal their indiscretions and "oh no he di'nt" moments through the safety and false anonymity of our lovely blogiverse.



My high fiber diet and coffee intake combined do not sometimes create a force greater than Captain Planet. So I most certainly did not get a sudden "uncomfortable" feeling while sitting at Rowan E.'s bus stop at 5:50 a.m.. I did not suddenly stand up and squeeze my cheeks as tightly together as possible. The bus did not change it schedule from a 6:08 pick up to a 6:20 pick up with out notice. I did not contemplate squatting in the well maintained hedges, something like that would be atrocious, so I most definitely did not attempt to rationalize how it would be okay because it was still dark out. Rowan E., the smarty pants she is, did not decide to take the opportunity to "mommy me" and say "You should have gone before you left the house.". I did not groan and counter with the child patterned "I didn't have to go then." and promptly tell her to shush. When the bus finally arrived at 6:25 I could not be seen walking waddling, cheeks squeezed, pushing a stroller the mile home, praying the whole way that I "made it". I did not swear at my keys and the stroller for slowing me down in my pursuit of the toilet, and I most certainly did not leave Ori A. in the stroller to cry as I ran to the punk-a-monks' bathroom and managed to narrowly escape disaster.

Want to get in on the Not Me! Monday fun? Click here to find out how then head on over here to see what she, and everyone else is not doing.

The return of: Not Me! Monday

So it's no secret I've been gone for awhile... I've been busy/out of touch/whatever... not inspired. But I've decided (as I often do) to try the "fake it till you make it" approach in an attempt to be a functional... well... anything. And so now with out much more ado I bring you...



That right! Not me! Monday; that stupendous blog carnival set in to motion by the fabulous Mckmama in an attempt to free our minds of countless indiscretions and oh no he di'nt moments while we share the wonderfulness that is mommy-dom... or you know, not.

I have not waited to the absolute last minute to enroll Rowan E. in school... the last minute would technically be Friday and Friday hasn't happened yet... but... I of course was on top of my mommy job and enrolled her way back in January...

I have not totally decided that it's absolutely okay for her to go to public school because I most certainly need a break.

I would never let my children run around in the nude, so of course there are never accidents on the floor... and I certainly wouldn't blog about it.

I am not absolutely ecstatic that Teijah has stopped forcing himself to poo 5 to 6 times a day just to get poosnacks..
He also has not worn diapers at sleep times for over a week.

And finally... since I know all children are different and uniquely special I my concern did not suddenly become overwhelming and I did not frantically Google the term micropenis and research all day. *sighs* I am not even going to go there... but I will say I'm so not concerned now... and ew... serious ew.

So want to get on all the Not me! fun? Head on over to Mckmama's blog for all the detail and to see what she, and every one else is not doing.

Oh no he di'nt!

So I'm wondering if i should just give up and give the baby a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Apparently Teijah feels he has waited long enough and likes to leave parts of his PB&J's tucked into places secret places for Ori to finds as he ventures through out the house. In case you have not put 2 and 2 together, Ori has yet again found Teijah's PB&J and was in fact munching on it... only he definitely had the peanut butter side this time and did not growl like a puppy losing his bone when I took it away this time but rather smiled as though he was satisfied with the peanut buttery goodness. I did however stop to a take picture this time, after I took away the sandwich of course, and since it's Not Me! Monday I know you'll forgive me for the pile of laundry that is NOT next to him, and the quality of the picture... it is after all monsoon season here in Florida.


He certainly looks pleased with himself. :)

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to this installment of NOT ME! Monday the spectacular Blog carnival set forth by the endearing MckMama to help us (her loyal followers) vent, rant, rage, and deny all life most interesting moment. Want to join in on all this bloggy fun? Well head on over to her site to get the complete rules and to see what she and everyone else is not doing. Having our friend Mark visit for a few days did not make me miss the communal home we had when My Love and I first got together. I am not terribly lonely and do not feel lost all. the. time.
I did not tell Left Brained, Genius, My Love that he sucks, and does not challenge me creatively and that he has made me boring.
I have not thought about blogging about how terrible "adaptable" is as a personality trait and how parents should discourage adaptive behavior by mimicking their child's behavior to keep their "adapts easily" child unique.
I was not completely psyched when Mark searched and found an awesome deal ($20) on a guitar on Craigslist, and then decided to buy it for me and the children. I was not even more psyched when the $20 guitar was of the acoustic classical variety. I have not been contemplating dropping my 4 credit Creative Experience for the Young Child class so I can swap it for the 1 credit guitar class that is offered at the same time.
I am also not going to keep my fall ceramics class, which is not cohesive with My Love's schedule. My younger children will not be going to daycare from 10 to 2 on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the Fall just so I can feel full filled, because I of course feel that it is important for the children to be only socialized selectively and by their parent for at least the first few years of their lives.
My wanderlust has not yet loomed to the extreme where taking my city dwelling children into the woods with the hippies no longer screams CAUTION, and THEY AREN'T READY YET! in my head, and I am not totally jealous of anyone going to the National Rainbow Gathering or you know, anywhere.
I do not feel like a mossy tumbleweed must feel.
In case you didn't know, I have not switched my major from Nursing/Pre-med to Education just so my career would warrant summers off and I will be free to travel.
I did not suddenly for the first time in my life notice I was compulsively eating out of sadness, and if I did, I would not have shrugged my shoulders and went on munching on Teijah's "Hurray you went poo poo on the potty!" mini Kit-Kats.
My love did not clog the toilet when we were on our way out the door to take Mark to catch his ride out of town and not mention anything about it. Later that day Teijah did not go in the bathroom to go potty on the potty like a big boy. I did not hear him flush the toilet twice and then hear a large splash noise. And I certainly did not hear him scream "I DID IT!" as he was running out of the bathroom. When handing My Love our baby who is not way too clingy again now that he's over the fact he can get around he did not say "Oh yeah the toilet was clogged but I didn't know where the plunger was and we were in a hurry." I did not have to clean up 1 inch of water and tiny pieces of grown up poo off the bathroom floor... because you know grown ups use the grown up bathroom and fix plumbing problems right away. I did not tell My Love that he sucked and next time it was his turn, and that when he's old and pooing himself we were going to have to hire a nurse because there was no way in hell I was ever cleaning up his poo again, no matter how much I love him.
And, I was not absolutely pleased with my self for switching my major when I realized that if I was a nurse/doctor I could have to clean up grown up poo every day... because I of course would never change my major... I'm going to be Doctor Dani M.D. and would never settle for Doctor Dani Ph.D.

Not Me Monday Thursday!

Yes, My Love apparently did not learn to share as a child; and yes, he is addicted to Myspace Poker and Mobsters; and yes, he certainly thinks that his playing them is much more important then my blogging. (Even if it is my only outlet since I never get to talk to real grown ups. Ever.


Now that I've got that out of the way welcome to my much belated Not Me Monday Post! This Bright Shiny (*note to self: stop it shiny does not have an e*) Blog carnival is hosted by our fearless leader the magnificent MckMama, *giggles* who is actually taking the week off. No worries though you can go here to see all MckMama's Not Me Monday Post ever, or you can head over to Mama4Real's blog to see what she has not been doing this last week. Or you can do both and make with the comment love.

I do not have a deep sympathy for cows so when I realized that the heavy whipping cream and the milk were slightly passed their date almost expired I did not make whipped cream and serve it on everything that day from french toast to bananas, and I certainly did not contemplate serving it as a dip for PB&J's (I was not trying to figure out a way to work it into dinner either.) until My Love said he would eat the rest which deprived rescued the children from being forced to eat whipped cream with every meal. I did not buy Hershey's chocolate syrup the day before and then only allow the children to drink chocolate milk in order to save the cow's milk from being wasted.


A few months ago when I discovered a weird manly strength B.O. under "little" Ori's left arm I did not affectionately start referring to him as baby stink pit. I am however, happy to report that baby stink pit Ori seems to be loosing his very random case of man stink and we will not be needing to research gentle deodorants to help him avoid being "the stinky kid"

And I would never put my boys in head bands... nope not me!

Not me Monday!

Alright kids it that time again! Not me Monday!, the fantabulous shame-free confession platform blog carnival orchestrated by the equally fantabulous MckMama. Take a moment while not hiding from your children in the bathroom and check out her blog to see what everyone else has not been doing.
My wonderful children have not been having day time slumber parties in the living room all week.

It did not start because the older children wanted to be like the baby.

The event did not lead to far too many hours of said wonderful children zoning out in front of the tv.

And no, those are not chips crunched under my couch. Chips were not the only food Teijah would eat dump out, dance on, and then spread all over my floor all week.

Despite what you may have heard, I do not base which bunch of bananas to buy on which bunch has the best sticker to advertise booby milk, as opposed to which one has the best bananas. (I do not sometimes switch stickers.) And I certainly would not upon eating perfectly stickered banana, place sticker strategically on (tastefully) exposed booby to advertise.

:)
Some of my favourties have not been: Tastes best fresh & I'm full of vitamins.

Not me Monday!

Well it's come that retched time of the week again my work weekend is over, My Love goes back to school... and I never got to sleep in. Ah, but Monday also brings Not me Monday!, a spectacular blog carnival, composed by the truly amazing MckMama. Take a break - or at least pretend you are while juggling children and stop in to her blog to see what she, and everyone else has not been doing!


I absolutely could not have been spotted at 4:45 a.m, sitting in the dark, compulsively window shopping Etsy, and completely throwing disregard to my lactose intolerance (and the fact My Love sleep with his head under the covers) as I shoveled ate birthday cake ice cream out of the carton... I'm also not currently finishing off said carton of ice cream.

And,
Of course, since I was not up so late last night I wasn't completely caught off guard when My Love was up bright and early because apparently his class started this morning, and I was not going to be able to sleep in - who needs to sleep in when you go to bed on time, right?

Luckily I was not absolutely exhausted when I laid down with the baby to share some booby and put him down for his morning nap. The girl did not keep constantly intrude, every time we the baby started to fall asleep, waking us him up, and making me - who was of course absolutely alert - lay down much longer then necessary. She is after all banned and knows better then to disturb the baby nap time process. Since there was not an exhausted mommy that was forced to lay down way too long, there certainly was also not a mommy that completely passed out leaving the boy and girl to run a muck through out the house.


Of course I was absolutely awake and doing school work, like I was supposed to be so I was not awakened by the boy rummaging through my room (as he often does) for whatever goodies he could find. I also had no idea the found one of the many packs of gum (and anything else kids shouldn't have) that My Love seems to like to leave in the reach of little hands. Since I was studying I could not have seen him take said pack of gum and decided that I was too tired to care and or chase him and that the girls complaining that he had gum and she didn't would be easier to deal with then chasing him down and listening to him scream "hey" repeatedly at an some un-recordable decibel.

And, since I was never sleeping, I didn't finally get up - not to end the gum battle, but to feed the children lunch so I could put them to sleep. I do not &hearts naptime.

Want to join in on MckMama's Not Me Monday blog carnival? Go here for rules and details and then you can be Not Me-ing too!

Not me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama, one of the few mamas who's blogs I have been obsessing over following lately. You can visit her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Let the carnival begin! *lol*

I will start by making it perfectly clear that when "that woman" stared at my stomach this weekend I did not contemplate voluntary anorexia, just so I could be skinny and then stare at her stomach and ask when she was going to loose the weight, and I absolutely did not think it would be much funnier if I (instead of starving myself) just blurted out "yes, I am pregnant again" (even though it would be a lie) just to get a reaction out of her.

I also did not blow a whole semester of school... and upon finishing said semester I did not receive an email letting me know that I was not being put on probation (like i had thought) instead I was completely losing my financial aid and that unless I appeal before the next semester I plan on attending... (that one I'm registered for already that starts Wednesday) I will be required to pay back the full amount I received for the last semester...

I most certainly did not go to the store to make a nice healthy fresh dinner for the children and me, only to come home and decide cake and ice cream would be fine, and of course I would never eat half a mini lemon creme cake all by myself...

I am not currently - or never will I be plotting to make my children cry and plead: "please let mommy go to school" when we go to my college for absolutely no reason tomorrow, and I am not planning on going to sleep early just so I can avoid telling My Love about the absolutely nothing that is going on with my financial aid, and I am of course not in constant silent prayer that it will all work out.

I have also never had to clean up poop.... three times in one day that was completely filled with Styrofoam balls (and I didn't misspell Styrofoam 10 times)and I would never get down on all fours to inspect said "seedy poop" upon it's first deposit. It also would not take me until the last poo clean up to realize that it was not in fact pepper seeds and that it was the result of a certain little man who shall remain nameless - Teijah, chewing - or apparently eating Styrofoam. After not cleaning up this nonexistent poo I did not go on a rant about how dogs poo around the house and chew everything up - not little boys and I don't like dogs in my house, and I did not secretly think the Styrofoam poop was hilarious, because that would just be wrong...