Not Me! Monday

The boys did not just completely unravel my knitting project...
So, I figured there was no better time than now to present to you, my few loyal viewers, Not Me Monday! That fabulous MckBlog Carnival that gives desperate housewives housepeople {or you know, people in general. We don't discriminate because discrimination is icky. Moving on..} *ahem* desperate people *heh* That's really not quite the same is it?

*ahem*

Welcome to Not Me Monday! The fabulous MckBlog Carnival brainchild gifted to us by the stupendously spectacular MckMama, a marvelous MckForum for desperate housewives and the like to reveal their indiscretions and "oh no he di'nt" moments through the safety and false anonymity of our lovely blogiverse.



My high fiber diet and coffee intake combined do not sometimes create a force greater than Captain Planet. So I most certainly did not get a sudden "uncomfortable" feeling while sitting at Rowan E.'s bus stop at 5:50 a.m.. I did not suddenly stand up and squeeze my cheeks as tightly together as possible. The bus did not change it schedule from a 6:08 pick up to a 6:20 pick up with out notice. I did not contemplate squatting in the well maintained hedges, something like that would be atrocious, so I most definitely did not attempt to rationalize how it would be okay because it was still dark out. Rowan E., the smarty pants she is, did not decide to take the opportunity to "mommy me" and say "You should have gone before you left the house.". I did not groan and counter with the child patterned "I didn't have to go then." and promptly tell her to shush. When the bus finally arrived at 6:25 I could not be seen walking waddling, cheeks squeezed, pushing a stroller the mile home, praying the whole way that I "made it". I did not swear at my keys and the stroller for slowing me down in my pursuit of the toilet, and I most certainly did not leave Ori A. in the stroller to cry as I ran to the punk-a-monks' bathroom and managed to narrowly escape disaster.

Want to get in on the Not Me! Monday fun? Click here to find out how then head on over here to see what she, and everyone else is not doing.

Some one should seriously kick me in my ass...

Or at least slip some birth control into my morning tea...
*sighs*
My punk-a-monk kid-lets are getting older...
My littlest is walking around like a pro, he identifies and says "ball" and "car {insert car noises here}"...
My middling is attempting to do the terrible 2's thing except he just can't pull it off so it's more like an annoying almost three *giggles* he's certainly attempting to exert his independence, he likes to tell me "NO" but then giggles about it like he gets how ridiculous he is being. He is getting big {for him}, and strong... and he has the silliest little developed calve muscles...
seriously what two year old has bulging calve muscles?
Anyway, he's getting big and probably comes up with at least 20 new words/phrases everyday.
And my oldest is riding the bus to school, riding her bike sans training wheels and is {*ahem* slowly} embracing her freedom and big-ness... kind of.
It's all very sad I suppose... but really it just gives me the impression it's time to start a new project. The problem is {just in case I haven't mentioned it before} my kids are the only thing I have ever really stuck to....
Yep, you guessed.
Baby fever.
Be careful.
It's more contagious than swine flu.

Out Takes: dialogue and commentary

Teijah M. {crying}
Rowan E. : What?!? You're not hurt! You just closed your penis in the drawer!

Seriously?! Now I don't have a penis... but I'm pretty sure closing it in a drawer would be a pretty big deal

Me: {takes scavenged old hot dog from baby}
Baby: {cries & chases me, pulling his hair}
Me: "Yes. I know it's all very sad. You liked the hot dog, but you can't eat rancid old hot dogs."
Baby : {walks away from me complaining}
Me: "Would you like some booby instead? You can always have booby."
Baby: {turns around quickly, shoots arms up in the air so far he's almost leaning backwards, toddles to me at full force}
Me: {giggles}

What? why are there old hot dogs... well because I have children... they like to hide things and save them for later...

Teijah: {frantically screaming}
Me: {seeks out screaming banshee child to investigate}
Teijah: {eyes shut tight... still screaming frantically}
Ori: {watches with a curious slightly amused look on his face}
Me: {sighs} "Oh man Teijah! I can't believe you sprayed OxyClean in your eye, AGAIN!

Sheesh! Someone should seriously watch these children... or you know, learn to turn the OxyClean sprayer to the "off" position.

Me: {reading random bed time story to all three children}
Teijah: {suddenly looking very concerned and worried as he stares at his sister}
Me: {giggling}"What's the matter Teijah?"
Teijah: Oh no! See!? Teijah's mouth broke!" {points to his sister's newly toothless grin}
Me: {laughing hysterically}
Teijah: {looking offended}
Me: Rory's mouth isn't broken! She just lost her front tooth, that happens when you get big.
Teijah: {satisfied and informed} "Oh."

*lol* No that wasn't a typo. He calls her Teijah... he knows that it's not her name... we don't know why he does it. What gets me is she lost 4 teeth before and he apparently never noticed the difference until the first top front tooth came out... *giggles* that and the genuine look of worry... like something was terribly, terribly wrong that suddenly swept across his face...

Repeat offender...

*sighs* so Ori and I were just hanging out on the kitchen floor, chatting about drool, balls, cars, and whatever "AH" means. All was good, he was eating yogurt snacks out of my hand, and insisting on sitting in my lap... but not on my lap facing away from me, on my lap facing towards me so he could gaze at my face and pet me as we talk... because he's just intimate like that. So we're snuggling and chatting it up and all of a sudden I notice his patented gagging, "help me mom! I'm choking!' face. Knowing that my house is absolutely clean {more on that later} I was not terribly worried, I figured his yogurt snack went down the wrong way or something.. baby appears to spit out suspect yogurt snack & I assumed all is well. *sighs* But all was not well. Then, I remembered that Ori managed to steal Teijah's hot dog {which I then stole from him} a few minutes before, so I begin the throat swiping ritual... searching for a rogue hot dog skin. Nothing. Ori is still gagging, & making some weird low gurgling sound, I continue to swipe his throat {Teijah jumps on my back *grumbles*}. After explaining to Teijah that baby is choking and this is so not the time to play, baby starts to vomit... and he vomits again and again. Finally out comes a freaking sticker... one of those stupid shiny metallic stickers... with Cinderella on it. *ARG* Rowan E... and her stupid stickers. It would be safe to assume that stickers are officially banned from this house.
*ahem*