De-Cluttering

I have been {and am} going through ginormous process lately. Mostly lots of thinking and sorting things out silently, with God and myself. There are times when being a mom just really isn't enough for me, there is still that annoying screaming voice urging me that I was really meant to do something so much greater, accomplish something, have great adventures. I'm sure that those mommies that were seriously geared towards being mommies their whole lives would try to reassure me that having children and leading them in the right way really is a great accomplishment (and I'm sure I'd agree, some of the time), but that notion just doesn't make me feel any less trapped, or any less guilty for feeling trapped by these awesome little people that I adore more than anything else. There is this constant feeling that I'm simultaneously failing them as well as failing myself - you know my other self that pre-children or even single-child-having self that teenagers thought was cool, but especially that five year old self that was bound to be a journalist/photographer/world traveler/ Columbia graduate that hung out at coffee shops performing acoustic numbers and obviously questionable poetry. She is the one that I feel so many people owe an explanation to... why wasn't she nurtured? why weren't those dreams supported and lifted up? Recently there have been a lot of very strong emotions swimming around on her behalf - but really when it comes down to it - at this point - I'm the only one that can rectify... or rather change the obvious outcome of what has become her future. Months ago I stumbled upon a homeschooling blog (or maybe she stumbled upon me first) where I found the most "lightbulb" of a quote : "It is never too late to become what you might have been." It really was exactly what I needed to here and since then I've been trying to find a way to implement it, to change and start moving in the "right" direction. Apparently, the real first step was not merely just deciding to change or realizing I had a problem - if you will, it has been sorting things out {a life time of things and feelings, disappointments, and bad and or seemingly forced choices, ect.} and de-cluttering.

...and send my laptop in to get fixed. 
Hello my name is Dani and I'm addicted to the internet.

*Note* My "lightbulb" quote is usually accredited to George Eliot but apparently it's worded numerous ways and it's origin is quite fuzzy.

perhaps we're a little more connected than I thought...

So it has been decided.
Like, really decided.
Sure, I've been talking about it and playing with the idea, randomly tweeting... and thinking about exactly where my convictions lie.
And even after all that I wasn't quite sure - but I was going forward with it - leaping blindly as I often do. So I started my day out searching for blogs, Vegetarian foodie blogs - good ones, hopefully some that avoided meat substitutes - because that's just stupid. I found a few hand fulls and told myself to come back to it later to sort out some sort of menu before I go shopping tomorrow.
The initial plan was to close the laptop and then start cleaning - you know because I've been trying hard to be a grown up and was thus distracted by the lovely internet. I did eventually get to my housework, of course H also came home much earlier than he should have and it is still not finished, but my ability to be a good grown up or at the very least good house winch is not the focus of this post so I'll get to it. So as H was buzzing about trying to find food because he was "starving", which is believable because he's 6 foot and weighs as much as a girl (seriously I need to feed him lard), I let him know that we'd be going mostly vegetarian because food cost is ridiculous. To which he responded,
"I was thinking about that."
Yes. He is super vague - all. the. time. Despite the fact he is a genius it kind of stops at the math... language and communication seem to escape him.
So I inquire "being vegetarian, food cost... the global economy?"
"Yeah" he says.
"Being vegetarian?" I say.
"Yeah."
*heh* If H was a normal person this is where I'd gush that it was cool that even though I hadn't talked to him about it and even though I feel so disconnected from him on such a regular basis that we were still connected and communicating in some awesome sub-conscious telepathic way. But he's not that guy - you know the one that writes poetry, plays an instrument.. or even has long hair - so consider your selves gushed to.
And just like that it was decided.
yeah. tah-dah... or something like that.

the best present - ever.

I am ecstatic to report that mother nature was simply holding out on me so that she, the dear that she she is, could deliver the best present possible to me on Mother's Day. Oh yeah, that's right! The physical reassurance that I am not a Mommy to the fourth power... at least not this month, and that? I'll take.
In fact, I may even buy a cake, hang streamers, and invite the entire freaking neighborhood. Because this my friends? Is something worth celebrating. Poor Aunt Flo gets such a bad rap... but if more ladies considered the alternative...
well, let's just say I wouldn't be the only one whistling "If I knew you were comin' I'd a baked a cake."

Motherhood is..

It's that time again :)


  Motherhood is...

... an over zealous way of insuring ones right to play with toys.

   Yeah. Captain America is totally protecting the 50 ft Woman and her over sized woodland friends from this ferocious T-Rex, while riding a triceratops.  You know because he left his motorcycle in prehistoric times and these dinosaurs came through the portal. Duh.

 :) {Queen D, defining motherhood one blog post at a time} and ....GO!

So what's the deal with that team in training thing: The letter.

   I am currently training to participate in the Rock ‘n’ Roll San Diego Marathon on June 6th. I’m super excited about the event, not only for the physical accomplishment, my waistline shrinkage as I train, or even the weekend adventure the race presents, but because I’m doing it for a cause that is close to my heart. You see I am not just running the ½ marathon as an individual I am running with Team in Training (TNT), a division of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS). During the training stage The Team provides me with a coach, training schedule, and support. In turn I raise funds for the LLS and spread awareness. I am optimistic and driven but this is no easy task - not only had I not run more than a mile before I began my training – (I ran 8 on Sunday!), but I also have always tried to avoid fundraisers – and this one is huge!

   The majority of the funds I raise help aide the LLS in their many contributions to fight against blood cancers. Blood cancers seem to run rampant in my family. My uncle Danny lost his fight against leukemia. Several years after his death my grandfather, my father were diagnosed w/ non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma , something that my father was certain was a death sentence – his greatest fear- but because of organizations like the LLS, Lymphomas are considered some of the most treatable, CUREABLE cancers and my dad and grandpa are both considered cured today. Unfortunately that was not the end in 2004 my dad was diagnosed with another form of lymphoma, follicular lymphoma grade 2. This type of lymphoma, though far less aggressive than his previous type, is not “curable”. He currently only receives treatment when he experiences difficulties, but the chemotherapy only temporarily shrinks the growth that has rooted itself around his sternum. Due to the great strides made by organizations like LLS is very possible that this and other types of currently incurable blood cancers within my father’s lifetime, and he may be able to once again live cancer free. That is something that I am willing to fight for, or in this case work my butt off for.

   I am committed to raise $3,000 for the LLS. See? I told you it was huge! TNT has provided me with my own TNT page where you can keep up to date on my progress as well as make donations via credit card. I invite you to be a part of this great accomplishment by supporting me in my efforts and donating as much as you are able. Regardless of the size, every donation counts, moves me that much closer to my goal, and is greatly appreciated. 75% of the funds gifted go directly to the organization. The LLS have 5 priority programs. Each program in some way aides the society in reaching its goal of finding cures to eliminate leukemia, lymphoma, and related cancers. These programs include research, public education, a patient aid program that provides financial and emotion support to patients and their families, community service, and professional education. The remaining 25% is used by the LLS/TNT to cover my training expenses and my entry into the marathon as well as my modest travel, and hotel fee for the weekend of the event.

   I am hoping to reach the majority of my goal before my re-commitment date, April 2, 2010. If you are willing/ able to support me and join in my fight against blood cancers I would appreciate that all donations were made before that date. I will, however, be excepting donations through the first week of May. Your time and consideration is greatly appreciated! To make an online donation you can visit my TNT page here, and if you have any questions or would like more information about Team in Training or the LLS feel free to e-mail me at queen {dot} dani {at} yahoo {dot} com.

Boys are stupid... duh.

Post-it Note Tuesday: To-do List

If only it were really that easy...

To avoid the certain death that comes along with one's brain blinking too often, I wrestled the pan lids out of Ori's unwilling hands. There is only so much fervent coffee table banging one can take after all, and Hilary was {ahem and is} still sleeping. In an attempt to avoid the eardrum shattering velociraptor screeching that follows when Ori's alpha ego is bruised, I grab the first noise making toy I see {A piece of the Little Peoples carnival, if you must know}. I spin the Ferris wheel expecting to hear music, giggling and best of all not hear my child morph into the ferocious beast he truly is. Nothing happens the screeching begins as I exclaim: "Great someone turned it off because it's fun to make my life more difficult." Okay perhaps I was being bitchy whiny, but anyone who has ever tried to accomplish anything with children in the house should understand, the tiniest malfunction can mean the difference between mommy success and mommyFAIL. So I rush over to close my bedroom door, frustration brewing in my chest. Then Teijah happily states: "Yours life is not difficult, mommy, see? Turn on." {Because everything a three year old does comes with narration.} He turned on the Ferris wheel and gave it to the now content velociraptor. Me? I was in hysterics. Heh, thanks a lot, Teijah... if only it were really that easy.

Post-it Note Tuesday: The Inner Struggle

 

 

 

 

POST-IT!

Dear Ori,

My sweet, neediest, most aggressive, genuine, velociraptor baby - Mommy loves you very much, and is all about the extended breastfeeding. It's not because I'm attached to breastfeeding it's more so because the idea of ripping something away you are so attached to - especially when that thing is not just 100% perfect human nutrition, but is also part of me - some may argue the very essence of "mommy" in infancy - makes me cringe. So, having someone that is almost as tall as me attached to me on a constant basis seems much more "worth it" ... most of the time. Now I get it, you're new so maybe you don't understand how this works... maybe they didn't give you all the instructions on your very long, grueling, painful, way out. You see, sweet child, you are over a year old now.  That means that mommy and her boobies are no longer your only source of nutrition. Now that you are growing into such a big special boy real food is supposed to be your main source of nutrition and the booby? Well, that's just supposed to be a supplement. I've given you time to adjust, and yes the boob is much more convenient... it's obvious that the boob isn't filling you up anymore, which is why you seem to want it every five minutes.

At least I hope that's why... I tend to imagine all of my lovely children plot against me but I would like to think that it was not actually the case.

On a similar note, when mommy sits down it is NOT an invitation to come get some booby... or should I say come wrestle me and demand a booby. Usually if I'm sitting down it's because I'm trying to do school work, and lets face it, it's difficult to type with a little man standing on his head in ones lap while he's trying to figure out how to get your shirt off. Now I understand that you've been teething but seriously? Mommy has been working for a long time now to get the house clean and has managed to keep it that way until now. Thanks for that by the way. You are not the only thing mommy has to take care of.

And seriously?!?
You have your own bed.
There is no reason for you to sleep with me unless I want you to, so I can get more sleep, or step on toys, or take a nap... or whatever.
When I spend forever feeding you so you can fall asleep on the booby (something that your siblings either never did or were done with before they were your age btw), you should not intentionally decide not to stay asleep when I put you in you big boy bed. That Sir, is annoying and drives mommy to the brinks of her sanity... mommy is a busy mommy and that interferes with progress. At this point in our relationship mommy should be free to sleep with daddy alone in bed and naked if she wants to with out the fear of tiny feet in her mommy parts. We live in Florida. It's hot. Sleeping in pants sucks.
Furthermore, you are what like 15 months old now? Don't you think it's time to... I don't know, sleep more than 1 1/2 - 2 hours? You know, that's how little babies sleep... are you a little baby or a big boy?
Okay so maybe that as harsh, but it's hard for mommy to be nice on over a year of no sleep. The lack of sleep and your pushiness has spurred crazy ideas like mommy just taking off for a week so you'll be done with the boob... and I know you don't want that. But seriously, how much longer do you think mommy can go with out killing people? Now we can compromise. If you want I'd totally be down with one middle of the night feeding... that's what Teijah did until he decided he was done with the booby at around 16 months. That was great it allotted mommy time to be a grown up and maybe go to a bar with Bri Bri - or at least the opportunity to SLEEP. Pushiness, btw is unattractive, especially the agressive "no I'm the alpha male" kind you seem to love. Just fyi when that sort of thing presents in men mommy tend to run away as fast as she can... and yes it would even make Edward unappealing. So I suggest you end it now before you like girls... or boys... or whatever.
Ah, I'm glad we could have this little one sided talk.
 I hope you'll take it into consideration next time you go all velociraptor and pull my pants down trying to make me do what you want.
kthanks.♥ ~ mommy

19

1 out of 2 sock monkey slippers agree..

this grout is clean :)

{and the other one is just a jerk}

17

my new coffee buddy

{he needs a name...}

What?! Yes. The way to my heart is through coffee. Thanks Big Sissfier & Bri Bri!

15

 Niko's Costume

{out of the bag}

7

 

SOCKS!

{Basil & Herb}

{There's a new sock policy around here - the carpets were cleaned today and I want to keep them that way. :) Be warned. Violators will be prosecuted.}

5

I bought myself flowers :)

{and from where I'm standing? it's very likely that it is going to become a habit}

3

A final rendezvous..

2

Lunch & Submission

{Niko is finally starting to realize who is in charge. I'm so proud of him - look at that killer focus!}

{oh and spicy tuna, strawberries, & frappuccino too. yum.} 

Because I'm a {K}opy cat

Officially committed.

Not Me! Monday

:) i'm back...
yes I'm sure you were all on the edge of your seats!
So without further ado {because I'm currently low on ado} I bring to you:



That's right: Not Me! Monday - the stupendous iSoapbox where we can stand and deny all those thing that we do {or you know, do not that make us human.

*Fine Print*
Not Me! Monday is the colourful & sparkely brain child of the fabulous {incubating} MckMama!

Despite what Hilary will tell you, I absolutely have not spent enough money on these:


to buy one of these:

*not my picture*

since my espresso maker attacked me and died.

This may be my son..



But he certainly is not adorned with fake tattoos!



And WHAT? Those black fingernails?


Those are not his either!
:-p

In case there was any confusion, we are very green around these parts. I clean au natural w/ vinegar and such. If you came to visit and asked for a paper towel you'd be out of luck and we pretty much ride our bikes everywhere - even when the car is functioning. So, of course I have not officially {or otherwise} completely switched back to disposable diapers. My love for the environment is far greater than my love of not getting peed on... and I absolutely LOVE having to wash them.. it's very zen.



I mean seriously, Hilary is going to school to be an environmental engineer.. I could never do such a thing.. whats a little pee and funny fitting pants when we're talking about the planet.. I would never do that, nope not me... I'm the Queen of Cloth Diapering.

This is not officially the best thing at Starbucks:


And i with my fast nutritional knowledge did not see "reduced fat" and automatically assume low calorie. Nope not me!

Is there something you have not been doing lately that you'd love to get off your chest {and not in that man is this baby ever going to be done with breast feeding way... seriously, I am SO there}? Head on over here for complete rules and cute button, and then go here to see what MckMama and everyone else have not been doing!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me Monday! The tell all, mommy confessional orchestrated by the spectacular Mckmama so that we, the mother's of the world could shout to the heavens our perfection and educate the world on just how easy, and stress-less motherhood really is, or not.


Just to be clear, I did not just wake up... that would be terrible! Could you imagine the kinds of things a mother would wake up to? It would be simply inexcusable! Yes, inexcusable, even if said mommy was up all night tending to a much too sick baby who seemed to think it was cool to morph into the worlds cutest space heater. Unforgivable, even if she finally got the baby to sleep soundly - just in time to wake up to take her oldest to the bus stop. A smart mommy would know better, and would never go back to sleep after such a long night of not sleeping... she would drink pot after pot of coffee, and sacrifice sleep to tend to her dear children. Because I am so not that mommy I did not wake up to Ori chewing on a medicine dropper. I absolutely did not demand: "Teijah, where is baby's medicine?". He did not grin and say, "I drink it!" because he's a dear sweet angel and has never been known to down infants Tylenol, Motrin, or Mylicon if they were left out where he could reach {or climb} to get them. And if he was, I certainly would not have left the Tylenol on an end table, where he could easily scavenge it. Even if I was exhausted and stressed out, I would have remembered to put it back in it's hiding place.
Because I am the epitome of a vigilant mommy, there is not currently a racing stripe on my dinner table. If there was it would definitely not be painted on with Burt's Bee's butt creme, and Handy Manny and his motorcycle would not be using it as a road as we speak. That would be ridiculous, any normal mommy would have cleaned that mess up right away.
Of course, Ori is not still in his night time diaper and woolens... and I did not just get vomited on so taking a shower with the little guy... is not imperative.. right. now.

Want to get in on the Not Me! Monday fun? Well head on over to MckMama's blog for complete instructions {cute button} and to see what she and everyone else is not doing.